


The Hunter

by Reneeyanceywriter



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Mountains, Non cannon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-01-13 12:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 28,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21243851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reneeyanceywriter/pseuds/Reneeyanceywriter
Summary: Claire is a LNP working in the Appalation Mountains. One of her patients, a strange recluse known as the Hunter, has some secrets. Will he trust them and his idenity to the Sassanech who wants to be his friend?





	1. Haunted

“Are you sure lass? They say he is queer and may be dangerous.” 

“I am. I must learn to do this myself. It is my job.” Her job at the Appalation Health Services involves visiting the folks deep in the mountains and hollers. Her friend Gillian is concerned with her visiting the man known as the Hunter, by herself. But Claire Beauchamp is determined to do her job without fear. She is not the meek nor obedient type. “I will be fine.”

“You have your cell and the pepper spray?”

“And the knife. Yes. I will be okay. I promise.”

“Check in.”

“I will.” She drives deeper into the woods then she ever has. But, she knows she will travel farther as she gets more involved in her job. She will go places she has to go on foot. She passes signs that declare that she is on “ private property” and at risk of being shot. They don't bother her. She expects them. 

The cabin is tiny. The porch is rickety and the whole structure looks like it could fall down with a strong wind. But, she bets it is stronger then it looks. She walks up and climbs the steps and across the creaky porch. She knocks swiftly on the door.

He is huge with a head full of the reddest hair she has ever seen. It flows down his back in heavy curls. His face covered with a thick red beard and mustache. His blue eyes, startling out of the face filled with a scowl . Before he masked them, those blue eyes are haunted, full of some, as yet identified, pain.

“What do ye want?” Scottish, she doesn’t expect that. 

“I am Claire, with Appalachian Health Services. I have came to see if you need anything.”

“No thank ye. I am fine.” He tries to shut the door but she places her foot in the door. 

“I have some supplies for you.” A pause as she waits for his name. He glares at her.

“I am called Hunter.”

“Hunter, I've some supplies for you.”

“I need nothing but, again I thank ye Sassanech.”

“Sassanech? I am not the only outlander here.” He is shocked into a small smile.

“True. But, I bet ye are new. I've lived here for quite a few years.”

“I see. And how long will I have to live here not to be a Sassanech?”

“I dinna ken lass. I still am.”

“Will you take the supplies?”

“As it seems the only way I can get you to leave, then aye. I will.”

“Thank you.” She reaches down to pick up the bags. They contain basic hygiene objects, soap, shampoos, razors, laundry detergent, and a small first aid kit. He takes them and she hands him a card. “My number. I am a licenced nurse practitioner. If you've need of medical services, don't hesitate to call Hunter.”

“Thank ye kindly but I can handle a lot myself.”

“I am sure. Just if you have need. It was nice to meet you Hunter.”

“And ye Sassanech.”


	2. The Mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire gets to start to know her patients but what is Hunter's story?

He is draw to them. They are in his blood. The Mountains. So, when he left Scotland, he headed here.   
He can’t say he found peace here. He doubts he can find peace anywhere. But it comes close here.

He appreciates the Sassanech’s gift. The soaps and stuff will keep him from having to head down, into town, for a bit longer. He avoids the town, the people, as much as possible. It didn’t use to be so. Before. 

Claire quickly adjusts to her new job and starts to get to know her patients. These wonderfully strong, stubborn, mountain people. Like Mrs. Bailey.

“I can't. The young'ens can't be looking after themselves.”

“I understand Mrs. Bailey. But, with a blood pressure this high, if you don’t go on bed rest, you risk the lives of both yourself and your baby. Your husband can’t..”

“No ma'am. He does his part. Working 6 sometimes 7 days in the mines. I can't be asking him to wrangle our crew.”

“No. I guess not. Any family?”

“Well, there is my sister. I suppose I could ask her to come. Being kin and all.”

“Please do. I want to see you sorted before I go.” An hour later, Mrs. Bailey and her 5th( where does Mr. Bailey find the time?) are tucked safely in and her sister has the other 4 under control. She promises to return tomorrow and check on her.

As she leaves, her mind is on Hunter. It has been a few weeks. Weeks where she had treated sprains and cuts, lectured on nutrition and hygiene, read to children and been read to, time to learn about the people and culture. What to say and not to say. Exactly how far to push and when to back down. 

In the midst of It all, she sees him. Her first patient here. She hears a lot of stories, heartbreaking and inspiring, but she longs to know what put that haunted look in his eyes. What brought the red haired Scot to the mountains of North Carolina.


	3. The Sassanech

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunter is hurt and has no choice but to call on the Sassanech.

He lifts the felled deer on to his shoulders and starts back towards his cabin. He will butcher him and keep half the meet and sell half. After gutting it he starts to dismember it. The heavy cleaver makes light work of it. All is going along well until he slips and the blade hits his arm instead of the leg of the buck.

He feels nothing at first. The blood, freely flowing tells him it is bad. “Iffrin!” he mumbles to himself. He throws a tarp over the half butchered deer and stumbles inside. Grabbing a clean rag, he wraps it around the wound. It is soon changed from white to red. “Bloody f*ck!” He takes another and wraps it a bit farther up, tightening it into a makeshift tournet. He knows what he must do. Uttering more curses, he rests his injured arm against the side of the chair, he picks up his phone and calls the Sassanech.

She is just leaving the Bailey’s house when her phone rings. She pulls it out, leaning against the side of her car.

“Hello.”

“Sassanech, I've need of your services. I have cut my arm and canna get the bleeding tae stop.”

“Hunter?” She is pretty sure but has only heard his voice once.

“Aye. Can ye come?”

“I am on my way. Apply direct pressure and don't lift it off to check if it has stopped.”

“Aye, that I have. Have a tournet too.”

She was starting her car. “It is that bad?”

“Aye Sassanech. The cleaver is wicked sharp.”

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! I am on the way!” She speeds through roads that she should be more careful on. He seemed calm but, she has a feeling, his arm could be half off and he would sound the same. She pulls up and, grabbing her bag, rushes in.

She finds her patient, sitting by his fireplace, cradling his bleeding arm. He is alarmingly pale. She falls down beside him.

“How long ago did this happen?” Her hand is on his neck, taking his pulse.

“About ten minutes before I called ye. I tried.” She sees the homemade tournet, the blood soaked rags. His pulse is steady, just a bit fast. 

“Okay. What were you doing?” She lays out supplies, gauze, huge swath’s of cotton, her suture kit, numbing meds, antibiotic shots. 

“Butchering a buck.” 

“Okay. Let’s see what you have done.” She lays his arm on the cotton towel. She gently unwraps his bandage. “Owe!” Said in sympathy as the gapping wound comes into view. 5 cms in length and exposing several layers of skin. Nasty. 

“Bad?” He looks up at her. His eyes reflect the pain he is in.

“Yes. But I can fix it. You were smart to use a tournet. I am going to irrigate it, numb it, and stitch it. I will have to do some inside before closing. I am also going to give you an antibiotic shot. Any bacteria in the deers blood is now in you.”

“I understand. Do as ye need to. I trust ye.”

She lays the towel draped arm on her lap. She washes out the wound with squirts of saline. One hand holds his arm still.

He is amazed at how bonny her hand feels on his. Human touch. It has been a very long time since he had experienced it. She is firm but gentle as she washes his wound out. He kens it will hurt when she numbs him. But, right now, the light touch of her fingers on him is very nice.

“Okay Hunter, I need to numb it now. This is going to hurt. But, then you should feel nothing.”

“Aye lass.” She prepares the needle and, then to his shock, offers her free hand to him. 

“To hold on to, if you wish.” He takes it. Her hand, tiny and soft, is engulfed in his large rough one. “Okay, ready?” He squeezes her hand in response. It does hurt and he canna help squeezing her hand. She doesn’t seem to mind, continuing to jab the wee needle around, numbing half his arm.

“That should be the worse of it.” She says after she is done. He slowly releases her hand. 

“Sae sorry lass. I dinna mean too.” 

“It is fine Hunter. I am stronger then I look. We will give it a few minutes to fully numb. I will give you the antibiotic shot in the meantime.”

“Aye. In my other arm?”

“No. I am afraid these do better in a bigger muscle.”

“Ye mean my arse?” 

“Yes actually.” He tries to losen his jeans but it is impossible with only one arm. “Let me help.” Her wee hands move his aside and undo the button, lowers the zipper. 

It has been literally years since he has lain with a lass. Her hands so close, he is unable to stop his body's reaction. “A Dhai! Christ lass. I am sae sorry!” 

“It is a normal reaction.” She is calm, professional as she exposes his arse. “This will burn a bit.” It does but not as much as his cheeks. To get a cock stand with them all alone? He dinna wish her to be scared of him. She seemed okay but..

She helps him to pull his jeans back up and carefully recovers him. “Let's see if you are numb now” He is happy for the chance to let her finish and leave. He was out of practice with the whole hospitality thing. It has been over a year since he had a guest.

He watches as she picks up the needle. “Inside first. These stitches will dissolve on there own.” She explains as she lowers her head. “Let me know if you feel anything but pulling.”

“Aye.” He watches as the needle disappears inside him. Pulling aye, but no pain, as she pulls his inner skin back together. She looks up every few minutes, to check on him.

“Doing okay?”

“Aye lass. You've a good hand.”

“Thank you. Okay, outside now. These I will come back and remove in seven days.” A different needle. “Still numb?” 

“Aye.”

“Okay. Let's get this done while you are.” Back to pulling the ragged skin back together. He studies her, the utter concentration on her face as she works. The sureness of her hands, without a missed step. It takes some time but he is soon pulled back together. “12 stitches outside. Ten inside. You must be more careful Hunter.” She softly scolds as she coats the switches with ointment and wraps it in a lose bandage.

“Aye Sassanech. I will.”

“Claire. My name is Claire.” Said as she tapes the bandage on.

“I ken ts just ye dinna ken mine so using yours seems.. Nae polite.”

“I could know yours.” Casually said as she cleans up. She keeps her head down as she gathers up the bits of paper and caps from the needles.

“I canna. I am sorry.”

“It really is alright. You can trust me. Whenever you are ready.”

“Thank ye.”

“I am giving you a five day supply of the same antibiotics that were in the shot. That should keep infection down. Still watch for signs, red streaks, fever, pus. Call me if you see any of that. I can also give you some pain pills. That is going to hurt once the numbness wears off.”

“I len it will. But nae, thank ye but I canna take such.”  
She meets his eyes. She doesn’t ask. She has seen a lot in her profession and understands. She doesn’t know if it is him or someone else but does understand.

“Change the bandages once a day and keep it dry. Elevation will reduce swelling. As will advil.”

“Aye. Thank ye.” 

She leaves him with bandages, antibiotics, and strict instructions to call at the first sign of infection.


	4. Joe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Joe Abernathy arrives and meets the Hunter. How will he react and what is Joe's relationship with Claire?

A week later, and Claire is getting ready to head out to take the stitches out for Hunter. As she is getting ready to go, the door to the clinic opens.

“Joe!” she runs over to him and he lifts her off her feet.

“Claire! You look good.”

“You do too. I thought you would be here next week.”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“That you did. I am so glad you are here. We can sure use you.”

“Ah professional concerns?” he teases as he sits her back on her feet.

“Well partly.” She and Joe had started dating a few months before she got this job. He applied right after. It was strange. They had been friends for a long time before taking the next step and are still finding their way.

“Company time. I understand. Where were you off too.”

“Oh. To see Hunter. Have stiches to remove.”

“The mountain man?”

“Yes. Want to go with me? Start to meet your patients?” 

“I would love too.” She takes his hand and leads him out.

He knows today is the day. Te day the Sassanech comes to take his stitches out. He is unusually nervous. He straightens the small cabin. It is just because he isn’t used to having visitors, he says to himself. Tis' all it can be. But still, he jumps when he hears her car pull up.

“It is more stable then it looks.” She says at Joe's look at the cabin.

“You came here alone?”

“Twice. He may look scary but he is really a nice guy.”   
She says.

“Okay. But, I am glad I am here.”

“Me too.” She admits. “but not out of fear of Hunter.” He grins a steals a quick kiss before they get out. She leads him up to rickety porch. 

Hunter waits until he hears the knock. No reason to seem to eager. He gets up slowly and opens the door. He stares at the man by her in shock.

“Hunter, this is my co-worker, Dr. Joe Abernathy. He just got her today. Joe this is Hunter.”

“He is huge!” is Joe’s first thought. The scrawl on his face is intimidating. Claire was alone with him twice? He takes a deep breath and says,” Nice to meet you Hunter.” He puts out his hand and the big man looks at it for a moment before taken it. He doesn’t as much shake as squeeze.

“Hunter, how is your arm?” they still stand in his doorway and Claire wonders if they will be invited in.

“It is brawl but the stitches itch.”

“As expected. Let's get them out.” He nods and turns, with a sigh they both hear, he leads them in. Be takes a seat and rolls up his sleeve. Claire kneels down beside him. The other one, Joe, stands beside her in what Hunter sees as a protective gesture. Like he would harm her.

“Joe, surgical scissors please.” He hands them to her with a smile. She takes them with one. Hunter watches their hands touch. He feels his wame drop. They more then just work together. And why does it matter to him? It shouldn’t. There can ne' be anything, not with her or anyone. So, let her be with the doctor. They fit together better.

“It won't hurt,” she tells him. Her hand still fills bonny on his. He decides that is okay. To enjoy her touch is okay. “it has healed well. Look really good.”

“That is fine then.” He softly says.

“Yes. Are you ready?”

“Aye lass.” She slips the scissors in and starts to snip and pull. It feels queer but not bad. It takes her no time. He wishes it had taken longer.

“There you go. Did you get the deer butchered?” 

“Aye. And put up. All is well. Thank ye.”

“Good. Be more careful with the cleaver next time.”

“I will. Thank ye Sassanech.”

“We need off. Other patients to see.”

“Aye. Thank ye to seeing to my scratch.” She laughs and he feels it everywhere.

“You call that a scratch.” He grins at her ignoring the other man. 

“Aye.” She shakes her head. 

“I would hate to see what you call a cut. Okay. Call if you need us Hunter.”

“Us,” he thinks in dread. Nae, he doesn’t want the us. Just her. “Aye.” Is all he says.

“Nice to have meet you Hunter.” The other says.

“Aye.” But he doesn’t over his hand or say naught else. They walk out together and he opens her door. She smiles brilliantly up at him. Hunter watches this exchange from his window. He watches until they drive off.

“He doesn’t like me.” Joe says as the drive away.

“He just doesn’t know you. He is very cautious.”

“He seems to like you fine.”

“Jealous?” she arches her eyes at him.

“Come Claire. No just saying.”

“He didn’t at first. I helped him. It builds trust. This people are leery of outsiders. It takes awhile for them to trust us.”

“I see. Well, I am patient.” She grins at him knowing he isn’t just talking about the people of Appalachia. They have yet to.. 

“Soon. Now we are in the same place.” 

“You are worth waiting for.”


	5. Just a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunter has a dream that causes a violent reaction. Will Claire and Joe's date be interrupted?

“So, will you and Joe, ahem, now that he is here?” Gillian leans against Claire’s desk in the clinic.

“Christ Gil, you have more interest in my sex life then I do.”

“Kinda the point lass. It has been four months. It is time, don't you think?”

“We were friends first. It is weird.”

“Do you think it will be less weird the longer you wait. You are just building up the anticipation. Just do it. You do love him, right?”

“I do. Of course.” Gillian just stands, eyebrows arched,” Okay. I will have sex with my boyfriend.”

“Good lass.” Claire just shakes her head. She loves Gillian. They have been mates for ten years. She doesn’t know where she would be without her. She was there when her family( her parents and her Uncle Lamb) died in an horrific auto accident. She adores her but she can be trying.

Up the mountain

He shivers as she says his name. Not Hunter. His name. It is whispered against his lips as he moves over and inside her. He groans out hers as she tightens around him. His name, cried out as she finds her pleasure. Her nipples tight against his chest, her arse fills his hands. He shouts out her name when he finds his.

He wakes, his cock as hard as a rock, his heart pounding, his body covered in sweat. Iffrin! He hasn't had a dream like that in years. And to dream of her, the Sassanech who is taken. She who is completely out of his reach. F*ck! 

He gets up and heads out to his outdoor shower. He stands under the icy water. He wills his cock stand to go down. But the cold water has no power over her. Over the Sassanech. He grabs himself, lets thoughts of her take over. It doesn’t take long and is nowhere near as satisfying as his dream one where he was buried bawls deep inside her.

He doesn’t know what to do with his frustration. He dresses with shaking hands and heads out into the woods.

Back at the clinic.

“Joe?” he looks up from his desk and the pile of paperwork.

“Claire. What do I owe the pleasure?”

“I just want to tell you,” she is suddenly shy,” that tonight. If you want to.”

“Want to! Oh God Claire. Yes!” She grins and he stands, pushing the door closed. He takes her in his arms and deeply kisses her. Her hands cling to his shoulders as he pushes her back against the wall. She whimpers at the feel of him, hard against her thigh. He lifts up, with a groan.

“Not here.”

“Right. Not much longer.” Said against his neck.

“8 hours. Okay. We have waited 4 months we can do 8 more hours.” 

“Yes.” She leaves his office and meets Gillian's knowing eyes.

In the woods.

He walks aimlessly. He is searching but not sure for what. His frustration grows. He knows she is better off with the doctor. Knows it. But, that doesn't stop him from wanting her. He stops and yells up into the sky. He then turns and lashes out, punching the nearest tree. Again and again. He stops when the pain finally overwhelms the adrenaline. He falls to his knees.

After an unknown time, he makes it back into his cabin. He wraps his throbbing, swelling hand up in one of the bandages she had left. He swallows down four advil and waits to see if they will work.

Five hours later

She sees several patients. Mrs. Connelly is better. Her blood pressure is down. She wraps a sprained ankle of a twelve year old. Diagnosis heat rash on a two week old, calming the fears of his anxious parents. In the back of her mind, is the knowledge of her upcoming date with Joe.

She is nervous and excited at the same time. In this state, her phone rings.

On the mountain

He doesn’t want to. To call her means he will have to explain how it happened. How was he to do that? But, his hand was swollen to twice it's size. The pain was indescribable. He can either call her or head down to the hospital.

“Sassanech.” 

“God Hunter. What is wrong?” She must hear it in his voice. The pain. 

“I have broken my hand. I am pretty sure.”

“How did you? Never mind. I am on the way.” He is relieved. She was on the way. Not them.

“Thank ye.” 

She hurries towards him. A broken hand can be a major thing. And God alone knows how long he waited. She runs into the cabin and sees him curled up on the end of his bed. He is very white and his hand is very swollen.

“Hunter, when did you do this?” said as she rushes towards him. She joins him on the bed. She doesn’t yet touch his hand. She reaches for the other to take his pulse. Way high. Shit!

“This morning. I just thought..”

“You didn’t think at all.” She scolds as she reaches for her bag. She has to get his pain under control before he goes into shock. He must have narcotics. She prays he will allow it. “ Hunter, this is bad.”

“I ken. I hurts. God Sassanech, it hurts.”

“I know. Look, I need to give you a shot. It will help the pain but is a strong narcotic. But, it isn’t just the pain. You are at risk of shock. Where your blood pressure can drop to dangerous levels. I really need to do this.”

He shudders as another bolt of pain goes through him. He trusts her. She was the medical expert. “It wasn’t me. Twas a family member. I just ken it can be in the blood. Do as you need but please stay with me until it fades.”

She knows she will have to anyway. Monitoring for shock and infection. Making sure his pain is under control. She won't be able to see Joe tonight. She sighs with both frustration and relief. “I am going nowhere.”

“Thank ye.” She wipes his uninjured arm and gives him a shot of morphine.

“You will feel better soon then I will check your hand.” She needs to call Joe. But will wait until she has him more stable.


	6. Secrets Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Under the effects of the morphine, Hunter reveals a few secrets.

“Sassanech, I feel queer.” His eyes, dulled by the pain and the effects of the morphine, meet hers.

“It is the medicine. How is the pain?” She sits on the edge of his bed laying out gauze, plaster of paris, and other such supplies.

“Tis' bearable. Thank ye.” 

“I am glad. I am going to numb your hand before I examine it but, there is no way, short of knocking you completely out, that I can keep you pain free.”

“I ken Sassanech. Do as ye need.” She nods. Her hand goes to his uninjured one. She takes his pulse. Fast, as expected, but not dangerously so. 

“Hunter, how did you do this?”

She feels his pulse jump under her hand. Interesting.  
“I know you have your secrets. I won't ask any that are not medically relevant.” Said as I continue to examine his injured hand with just my eyes, gaging what he has broke by the way his bones lay, by the spreading bruises across the top of his hand. 

“I hit a tree.” I look up then. His eyes are down and an actual blush covers his cheeks.

“What did the tree do to you?” A soft smile lifts his lips for just a second.

“Naught. It was out of frustration.”

“And what had you so frustrated?”

“Is that medically relevant?” Ah, a secret he doesn’t wish to reveal. It isn’t. I am just very curious. But, I won't push him.

“It isn't. Okay, I am going to numb your hand before I do anything else.”

Aye Sassanech.” I am as gentle as I can be but he still winces as I cradle his hand in mine and administer the shots to numb it. 

“Sorry.” I say over and over as I feel him jerk. I need to give him more morphine before setting it. I am just not sure he will allow it. He is covered in sweat when I am done and I know I am going to have to insist. “Hunter? I am going to let it numb up but, I need to give you another shot of morphine before working on it. You wouldn’t be able to handle it otherwise.”

“Sassanech, I fear that.”

“Talk to me.” I move closer and touch his quivering shoulder. He has to. This secret is a barrier to his treatment and, without proper pain control, will be to his recovery.

“My sister. Janet. She was overwhelmed with grief when she lost one of her bairns. She was at six months and the lass just passed. They delivered her. She was able to hold her. They gave her nerve and pain meds. She was just to take them a few weeks but..”

“She got addicted to them.”

“Aye. Her husband tried to be understanding at first. But, she was a danger to the other bairns. He asked her to get help. She did try but.. At the end all he could do is take them away. She really broke then. The last we heard of her was that she was somewhere in England. We dinna ken where nor how she is living.”

“I am so sorry Hunter. It is a heartbreaking story.”

“Aye. Now you see..”

“I do but.. Look her doctors didn't monitor her. I will be here Hunter. I will not leave you until the drugs are out of your system. I will only leave you when your pain is under control and will not leave you with heavy drugs.”

“Promise.” He looks to her with the eyes of a trusting child, the sweet lad he was before life crashed down on him.

“I do.” He nods.

“Aye lass. Okay.” She gives him another shot and watches the pain leave his body, the tenseness of his body relax, his eyes go from bright with pain to slightly dulled from the meds. He stops sweating and his pulse goes down 

“I am going to examine your hand now.” She carefully runs her hand over his knuckles. He has several classic boxers fractures across them. A bad place for a fracture. She will be able to set them even without an x-ray( she knows he will never consent to going to the hospital) but, she will have to carefully monitor him for infection. “You’re broken several of your knuckles. I can set them here but I will need to give you another antibiotic shot and more to take. The risk of Infection is quite high. Without x-ray, I can't tell if you have any bone fragments floating around in there. Understand?”

“I do. Thank ye."

“Okay. Still numb?”

“I don't feel my hand.”

“Very good. Okay.” She carefully presses them back into place, her hand cradling him, allowing her to monitor his pulse. It jumps with each time she slips another bone into place. That is expected. She is happy that it returns to normal after. The morphine is doing it's job. They both breath a sigh of relief when she is done. “I am going to cast it. I am just going to give us both a minute.” He shakes under the strain and her hands wake a bit too. “Hunter, I am going to built the fire back up.”

“Ye ken how to do that?” She laughs.

“you would be surprised what I know. Rest for a moment. Try to let the tension out.” She moves off the bed and kneels beside the fire. He tries to do as asked but the sight of her kneeling like that brought tension to a different area of his body. He reaches for the throw and covers himself so she won’t see. “Cold? It should warm up here soon.”

“Aye. Thank ye.” She sits back beside him. As they wait for the room to warm up and the adrenaline of the re-setting to fade some, she tries to make conversation.

“Do you have any other siblings?” 

“A brother. Had a brother, William.” She shivers under the had. She decides not to ask. The goal is to get him calm.

He waits for her follow-up question. But it doesn’t come, to his relief. Willy, he still misses him badly, him and his mam and da. And Jenny, as dead to him as they are. He only has Ian and the bairns and hasn't seen or talked to them in years. A fitting punishment, he thinks. Though it still feels like his wame is being torn in two.

“Ye Sassanech, have ye any siblings?”

“No. Always wanted one. But, my parents explained that I was the only one my mum could have. After a while, I adjusted. Had a good childhood. I had them and my dad's brother, Uncle Lambert, who I called Lamb.”

“Tis good. Do ye see them?” He asked as she started preparing to put a cast on.

“No, they all passed away. Together. Five years ago. A horrid auto accident.” He gasps. 

“Oh Claire, I am sae sorry.”

“Thank you Hunter. I wouldn’t have survived it, I don’t think, without my best mate Gillian. She and Joe keep me from the depths of my grief. But being an orphan really sucks.” She takes his hand and carefully wraps gauze around it. 

“It does.” She looks up and meets his eyes that show he understands. Was it the death of his family that drew him into living like this? Didn’t he have a Gillian or Joe? She doesn’t ask just nods. He nods back.

“I am going to apply the cast now. I will then place your arm in a sling. Keeping it up will help with healing and relief pain.”

“Aye.” She wraps the quick drying plaster from his waist to the tips of his fingers.

“I assume this is dominate hand?” She pats the last down.

“Aye. I am a lefty.”

“Sorry. You won’t have use of it for a few months. If you need help, we can send someone to help with cooking and such.”

“Tis' a nice offer Sassanech but, I will manage.” She knew he would say that and decides to check in a couple times a week, just to make sure.

“Okay. I am going to sling it up.” This procedure involves her getting very close to him with her breasts temptingly close. Christ! He closes his eyes and tries to think unsexy thoughts least she feel him. She adjusts the sling and moves away, to his relief and disappointment. “You can remove it to sleep but try to keep it on otherwise.”

“Aye. I will do as ye say.”

“Good.” She gathers up her trash and keeps her eyes down for a moment. She had felt what she was doing to him. But, he is just a patient, no matter how much she sympathizes with his story. No matter how much she is drawn to the mystery of him and the gentleman Scot under the rough hermit mask. She is with Joe. Oh Joe! She hadn't called him! Crap. And she had promised to stay until he was no longer drugged. Double crap. She needs to call him. “Hunter I need to..”

“Jamie.”

“What?”

“My name. Tis Jamie. I felt I owed ye some honesty for all I canna tell.”

“Jamie. Thank you. I will keep it to myself.”

“Thank ye. I was going to ask.”

“I understand the gift you are giving me. I wouldn’t misuse it. When you are ready, if you ever are, I will hear the rest of your story and keep it too.”

“I canna. Not sure I ever can. But thank ye.”

“Jamie, I need to check your pulses and some of your other vitals then, I want you to try to sleep. I promise to be here when you wake up.”

“Ye are spending the night then?”

“I promised to be here until the drugs wear off. If that is okay? I just need to make a quick phone call.” 

“It is. I am sorry I messed up your plans.”

“It is alright. Patients first. He understands that.” At least she prays he will. “Be right back.”


	7. A Long Night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night brings deep, intimate conversations.

“I must make a quick call.”

“Aye, to Joe?” She looks him with wide eyes. “I could tell when ye two were together.”

“Oh ah.. We hadn't seen each other in almost four weeks. That is why I brought him. I wouldn’t have otherwise. I don’t like to do that without letting the patient know and approve ahead of time.” He shrugs. She feels guilty suddenly and a bit ashamed. It was unprofessional. Even with the excuse of him needing to see his patients.

“Go make yer call Sassanech.” She gives him a smile and goes to.

“Claire! Where are you?” Joe was anxious. She felt even more shame. She is usually better balancing her professional and personal life. What is wrong with her?

“So sorry. Had an emergency with a patient.”

“Oh, Mrs. Connelly go into labor?”

“No. Pray she doesn’t. She has another month.”

“I see then..”

“Ah,” she looks over at Hunter, no Jamie. He is watching her with his soft blue eyes, as if he is making sure he is okay. “It is Hunter. He broke his hand.”

“How did he manage to do that?” It is a perfectly acceptable question but it feels intrusive. 

“I got it set and casted. I am now monitoring him for pain and infection.”

“Very good Claire. When will you be done?”

“Ah well I promised to stay until the morphine wears off.”

“Until the morphine wears off. Why would you promise that?”

“Joe, he may have bone fragments in his hand. I need to keep an eye out for infection.”

“True but that is not what you said.”

“It is complicated and confidential.”

“Even from me? Nevermind. When will you be back?”

“The morning. I am sorry.” It was what one said but, she must admit, she is a bit relieved. It is a big step. Friends to lovers.

“You will be staying the night, alone, with the mountain man.”

“Hunter yes. Trust me when I say it is necessary.”

“I do trust you.”

“It will be fine. I have to go.”

“I love you.”

“Me too.’” She disconnects.

“All okay Sassanech?”

“Yes. We just had a special date planned. But he will bide.”

“Special,” a blush covers his cheeks. “oh I see.” He did of course It wasn’t fair to put any guilt for her missed date on him.

“Sorry Jamie. I shouldn’t have..”

“Hush lass. It is fine.”

“How are you feeling?” She needs to get back into professional mode. 

“Still quite numb.”

“Good.” She returns to him. “It won’t stay that way I am afraid. I will try to keep you comfortable without being drugged.” She sits back beside him and adds,” I need to take your vitals.”

“As you will.” She takes his pulse( down to her relief), blood pressure, and temperature. All normal. Good. 

“You should try to sleep.” 

“Aye lass and ye?”

“I will, ah,” she looks around. The bed and a straight back chair is the only furniture in the room. “I will sleep on the chair. Need to wake up every few hours to check on you, anyway.”

“Nae lass. I canna let ye do that. Will place pillows between us for proprietary.”

“I can’t share the bed.” 

“Ye can. I canna let ye try to sleep on that chair. Not after taken such good care of me.”

“I just..” but he is right. There really wasn’t another option. “Okay. It will me better monitor you, anyway.”

After he gave her directions to his bathroom, she slips off her shoes and climbs beside him. He had placed pillows between them. It wasn’t the bed she anticipated sharing nor the man he expects to be by but.. Well there was no other option. He needed monitored.

“So, it would have been your first time?” he says after a moment. “With the doctor, I mean.”

“Yes,” she isn’t sure why she is being so honest. The late hour, the cozy fire, the shared intimacy of the bed. All of it. Or just a need to talk about her fears. “We have been mates for five years. We became more four months ago. Taken it slow because friends to lovers is a hard bridge to cross. Then, I came here. He followed me. Gillian, our friend was here first. It is good being all back together. We decided we had waited long enough. So..”

“We?” He longs to touch her, just to provide comfort, or so he tells himself. He restrains himself.

“Yes truly. I know I sound flaky now. I love him. We are a couple and will be together. It is just the leap, you know.”

“I can understand that. Be certain, eh. For there is no going back to being just friends.”

“I know. Thank you Jamie.”

“Tisn't my place. Sorry.”

“No. I really appreciate you listening. Gel would just say,’ Do it. It's just sex,” A grunt from the other side of the bed. “You don’t agree?”

“Nae. It is never just sex. To bring two bodies and hearts together. It should always mean more. Animals mate. Humans should.. Ah you ken me.”

“I do. You are right. Love should always go with the act. Jamie, have you or had you a girlfriend or wife?”

“Aye. A girlfriend. In Scotland. A childhood sweetheart.”

“How did it end or did it?”

“It did. She couldn’t handle who I became after.. Well, a story for another night”

“Right. You need to sleep. Goodnight Jamie. Well, goodnight for a bit. I will have to wake you in a few hours.”

“That is fine Claire. Good night.”

It turns out, he wakes her.


	8. In The Dead of the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie has a dream. The confession of it leads to a very hot kiss.

Her name. Someone is calling out her name. Where is she? Jerked awake, she looks frantically around. The fireplace, burning low, is the only light in the room. She quickly recalls where she is and who she is with. She turns to Jamie. He must be in pain. 

“Jamie?” her hands reach across his makeshift barrier. “Is it the pain?”

How can he tell her? He is in pain but it is not his hand that aches and throbs, seeking relief. Christ! And the lass right there. He can smell the scent her skin and hair give off and it is driving him mad. Waking from a dream where he had called out her name to have her right there. Lord how he wants her, she who is dating another, who would be in his bed if it wasn’t for him? Impossible.

“Jamie, talk to me.”

“Nae lass. My hand doesn’t pain me much.”

“Good. I need to check you anyway.” She turns on the bedside light and he flinches.” Sorry. Why did you call out my name?” Her hands touch his hand above the cast, propping for tenderness. Her hand. In his dream, her hand was working a bit lower. He groans. “Does that hurt?”

“Nae I..” No it isn’t pain he is feeling. He can’t tell her when she is by his side the pain goes away. All of it, physical, mental, and emotional. 

She reaches for his other hand to take his pulse. She is alarmed by how high it is. Was it physical or something else? She touches his face to judge his temp and is surprised by how soft his beard is and by the way his eyes drift shut. Oh boy.

“Talk to me.” A whisper as not to disturb the stillness of the night. 

“I was dreaming of ye Claire. A dream I should not be having about my healer, a woman pledged to another.”

“Oh,” Her eyes drift down. She can see the barest outline of him but it is enough to sent goosebumps up and down her arm and tighten her nipples. No! She can’t be attracted to her patient.

“Aye.” His own hand comes up to cup her face, needing badly to feel her skin under his palm. Her breathing speeds up. “Aye. It isna just me.”

To deny would be foolish but, she can’t give into this pull. She firmly fixes Joe’s face in her mind. She reaches out to take his hand down but links them, also needing the contact.

“Not just you. There is a pull between us. I won't deny but, we can't. I am with Joe. You are my patient.”

“I don't feel like yer with Joe, not right now. I am your patient, but a man too. I have never wanted anyone like this.”

“I should.”

“Kiss me Claire. Just once.” Oh she wants too. But.. He runs his thumb over her wrist and she feels it in every nerve.

“Just a kiss?”

“Aye. I am a gentle, despite how I look. I would ne' force.”

She shouldn’t but is going to. Her body knew before her mind did and was bending down to meet him. His soft groan, a millisecond before their lips touch, is almost her undoing. If he wasn’t such a gentleman. But, just a kiss. But, an incredibly powerful one. She shivers all over at the first touch, that soft beard tinkling her bottom lip. She presses down. He opens under her and all she wants is to feel that beard against her breast, between her legs. His hand slips out of hers and into her hair. Hers land on his shoulders. Their tongues meet and she presses her lower half against him. They both moan. The sensations are everywhere. His facial hair, rasping against her face. His penis, hard as a diamond against her core. Her breast, tight and tingly, rubbing against his own chest. Their combined moans. She can’t remember ever wanting anyone this much. She forgets about Joe. Has no recall of why they shouldn’t be doing this. It is only him.

He moves off her lips and meets her eyes. “F*ck Dam! I am sae sorry lass. I thought a kiss would be enough. I just sae needed a taste of ye. But..”

“It is not close to enough.”

“Nae but ye've Joe.” Now she recalls he exist and her sense of shame is enormous. God, how could she do this. She should leave right now. She tenses up to move and he pulls her down, her head landing on his chest. “It is but a few hours until dawn. Please stay. Ye will return to him and.. But now, will ye just lay with me?”

“Jamie, how will it help?”

“I don’t ken it will but, naught at this point, can do much more harm.” She can’t argue with him and it feels good and right to be there so, she sinks farther in. Neither sleep nor speak. They just enjoy the closeness while they can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I am sorry. But, this is a slow burn. They will get there eventually.


	9. Jamie's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What brought Jamie to the mountains of North Carolina? Finally Jamie's backstory.

“I should have kept Willy. At least he would have been alive.” Jamie’s voice came out of the quiet. Claire looks up from his chest, searching for his face in the dim light from the fireplace. He was looking towards the far wall. She starts to say something and he continues,” They went looking for Jenny, you see. My parents. They took Willy because she had a huge soft spot for him. But, where they were going was dangerous. The East End of London. Where the Ripper worked, and where, in modern times, the drug dealers gathered. So, that is where they went to look for her. They wanted me to go with them. I refused. I was angry with her, you see. Angry for what she was doing to the bairns, angry at the stress she was causing our parents, angry at her weakness. Sae, I refused.” He sighs and looks down at her,” The last thing I said to them was they were fools, chasing after the wind. Trying to find someone who didn't wish to be found. The last thing.”

Claire gently touches his face. Whatever is coming is going to be bad. She wants to offer him all the comfort she can. He sighs and covers her hand with his own.

“We aren't sure who did it. Which one of the arseholes struck them down. We know they were walking in a bad section of town, my parents and 16 year old Willy. They had been asking questions, to try to find her. Nae to bust the drug dealers, ye ken?”

“I do.”

“But, I guess it sounded like more tae the wrong people. Someone came out of the dark and struck them down. Ran them over. Once they were down, they were shot, execution style. “

“Oh God!”

“They were found right away but there was naught the medics could do. I should have been there!”

“So you could have died too?”

“My heid knows this but my heart and soul! God Claire. I called them fools and sent them off the their deaths. All of them. I could have at least kept Willy.”

“Could you? He was 16. His parents wanted him with them. He probably wanted to be there too.”

“Ayr. He adored Jenny. I am the big brother! It was my job to protect them. I failed!”

“That is why you are here.”

“Aye. I couldn’t live there, with all the memories. I couldn’t be around Ian and the bairns.”

“Do you blame him?” He looks at her with wide eyes.

“Aye, I did. He was her husband. It was his job to see her safe. He failed. That is what I used to think. I blamed him, her, my parents. I was in such a rage. Just wanted to make it better but there was no way.”

“And yourself? You blamed yourself?”

“Aye. I still do. I should have been firmer with Jenny, should have been more forceful with my parents, should have, at least insisted that Willy stay with me.”

“Jamie, the only one to blame is the bastard(s) that killed them. You know that.”

“On good days. But Claire, those are few.”

“Have you had counseling, talked about it with anyone?”

“Nae. I buried it. Hadn’t spoken of it until right now. I thought, you see, getting away, from everyone would be enough. Would keep their spirits away.”

“But, it hasn't?”

“Nae. I don’t think anything will.”

“Well not hiding here, disguised by facial hair and a scrawl. Jamie you must get out. See people. Experience the live that is still going on. And, you must talk about it. To me, to others, even just journal about it. If a deep infection isn't lanced, to bring the poison to the surface, it won't heal. You have to lance it Jamie.”

“Will ye hold my hand Claire. I fear the pain of it. It is better when ye are here.”

“Jamie,” she lowers her head,” I will be here as often as possible. I will recommend a grand therapist. But, this, us, it can’t work. I am with Joe. We both needed what happened, it seems. To take some steam off the pot least it boil over. I will be a good mate but no more.”

“Ye are right, of course. I appreciate the doctoring and the listening. I will take that name. Can I ask one more favor from ye?” she looks at him,” a bit of barbering. Can ye help with this?” gesturing to his face and hair,” if I am going out in public, I dinna wish to scare folks.”

“Of course Jamie.” 

He has a good straight razor. With the aid of an old fashioned shave brush, she lathers his face, and carefully cuts away years of facial hair. He has a beautiful face. Viking features emerge with every downward swipe. She stares at him when done. There is Jamie. 

“Now my hair if you please.”

“How short do you wish it?” 

“Collar length.” It is thick and quite soft under her hands. It falls like a waterfall as she carefully snips it.

“You know, this is a huge trust. How do you know I am not bugging it all up?”

“You've a good hand Sassanech and I trust ye.” When she is done, he looks like a new person. The blue eyes only hinted at his beauty. Free of the heavy hair, he is a masterpiece, a Michelangelo sculpture come to life.

“Do I look alright?” he had watched her watching him.

“Oh yes. You are..” she blushes. Not to be doing this. “yourself again.” He walks over to a mirror.

“Well so I am. Thank ye Claire.”

“I really must be off. Would you like me to sweep up first?”

“Nae lass I have it. Thank ye.”

“I will be back tomorrow to check on your hand and with the therapist name.”

“Sounds fine.” She looks at him one more time before taking a deep breath and leaving.


	10. Ye Did What!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire confesses to Gillian. What advise will she give her?

She walks into the clinic with her head down, dropping with exhaustion and shame. Gillian sees her and leads her into the office. “Claire honey, ye should be home in bed.”

“I will I just need to speak with you first. Is Joe in yet?”

“Not yet. What is it?”

“I did something stupid.”

“Aye?” Claire looks down, unable to meet her friends eye while confessing.

“I kissed Hunter.”

“Ye did what now?” 

“Kissed him. Well, we kissed each other but still.”

“Holy hell! I wouldn’t think you would have such a move in ye! How in the world?”

“He confessed some things to me. Family stuff, his name, what happened in the past.”

“Wait. His name?”

“Yah but he doesn’t want to spread around. I promised to keep his secret.”

“Okay, So Hunter, aka whatever, was opening up to you and..?”

“He had a dream about… well me, us. It just happened.”

“How was it?”

“Gillian!”

“Sorry. Okay. Nothing more then a kiss?” 

“No,” she says but inside she recalls it all, not just the physical things( the way his beard scratched at her face, the broadness of his chest, the way his shoulder muscles move, his penis hard as iron against her). No, it was more him, them. The intimacy of the night. His openness. How it felt to lay in his arms, the trust he had in her. 

“Uh huh,” Gillian watches the emotions play across her face.

“Truly. Just a really good kiss. The kind that makes you forget your own name.”

“Oh boy. Okay, are you going to be dating this Hunter or..?”

“Gil, I am still with Joe. It was a mistake. A spur of the moment lustful reaction. I love Joe.”

“Alright then you can't tell him.”

“But..”

“He will forgive you but not Hunter. He may need him one day, as accident prone as he is. Do you want are one physician having a conflict with him? Do you want to see the worry in his eyes whenever you have to go out there?”

“No.”

“It won't happen again. Right?”

“It won't. I told him we were just mates.”

“Then, don't tell him. Go home. Sleep. Then prepare to make love to Joe. You must to rid yourself of the lust you feel for Hunter.”

“Logical. Thanks Gillian. I will do just that. It is just lust, after all. We all feel it from time to time.”

“Exactly. Go. Rest.” She hugs her and heads home.


	11. Pondering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire has decide what to do. To follow Gillian's advice or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is safe to read. I promise.😀😀😀

The feel of him, strong and passionate. His strength held in check as he kisses down her neck. The feel of his muscular back under her fingernails as she arches up as he reaches his target. His name, cried out from a hoarse voice as he starts to suck.

“Jamie! Jamie!” She wakes herself up calling his name. She looks around with shaky breath. She feels a deep sense of disappointment mixed with shame, when she realizes she isn't at the cabin but her own room.

“Christ!” she mumbles as she stands on weak legs. Her body throb’s with unmeet need. “Holy hell, what is this?” She had came straight to bed after arriving home. So, she heads to the bath. 

Stripping of her sweaty clothes, she sinks into the bath. Her nipples are as hard as diamonds and she is full and throbbing lower. She could wait for Joe and relief found in her boyfriend's arms. But, he wasn’t the one who got her in this state. Wasn’t the one her body is craving. Bloody crap!

She works her hand between her legs and pictures him, pictures Jamie. She pictures his hand on her. His mouth pulling at her nipple. She climaxes with a jerk that splashes water on the floor. 

“Claire?” Crap it is Joe.

“Just a second. In the bath.” She calls out. She dries and dresses quickly. Taking several steading breathes, she joins him.

“There you are.” His smile draws one of her own. “I've missed you. Did you get Hunter sorted?”

“Yes. He has two broken bones in his left knuckles. I set them and cast it. Gave him antibodics and left him,” a deep lurch she feels in her heart and stomach,” with his pain under control.”

“Very good nurse Beauchamp. A boxers fracture. Do we need to be on the lookout for who he hit?” 

“No. It wasn’t a person.”

“Good. Did you get sleep?”

“I did. Just got up and got a bath.” She feels a bit faint. She knows why he asks, beyond concern for her. It is what they planned before Jamie. Oh Jamie! It is what Gillian suggested. It was time. 

“Buck up Beauchamp. It is just sex.” She thinks. Jamie's voice. “It is ne' just sex.” 

He steps closer and takes her in his arms. His kiss is nice but just nice. It doesn’t fire her blood. She tries to respond as she should. Play the role. After a few minutes he looks up.

“Claire, you don't want to do this, do you?”

“Of course I do.”

“No you don't. You want to want, but don't.”

“Sorry Joe. It is just,” Jamie, her heart supplies.” It is a big step. I just am not ready. I thought I was. I really did.”

“Claire, I would rather wait and have us both be ready. It is really okay.” She nods against his chest.

“I didn’t mean to be a tease.” 

“You aren’t. Come love. I will make us dinner.” She follows him thinking,

“But I am. I've left two man wanting. What is exactly wrong with me?”


	12. Patients/Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire has some decisions to make. She sees her other patients before returning to Jamie. What will happen in the cabin?

Hoe was it?” Gillian asks as soon as she walks in. She holds tight to the cup of coffee. She hadn't sleep well.

“What?”

“Don't play coy with me. Sex with Joe.” Her hands are on hips and she is staring at her.

“Oh. We didn’t.”

“And why not?”

“I've patients Gil.”

“Claire.”

“We will talk later.” She gathers up what she needs and heads out. First stop is Mrs. Bailey. Her blood pressure is back up and she is at 37 weeks. 

“I recommend you go into the hospital. If your blood pressure doesn’t go down, we nay need to deliver.”

“But, I am not due for three weeks.”

“I know. But at this point, the baby is safer out then in. As are you. 37 weeks is perfectly safe.” Her sister is still there and urges her to go.

“I've the young’ens. Go. Take care of yourself.” She finally consists to calling an ambulance. 

Mrs. Connelly, her other pregnant patient, is thankfully stable. Due in a month, her chief complaint is exhaustion. 

“Rest as often as you can. Put your feet up. Let some housework go or see if family or neighbors will help.” Is Claire's suggestions. 

She checks on baby Ollie who had a heat rash. It had cleared up and he was happily nursing. Katie Jane, the two year old with the ear infection is also better.

She has one more patient to see. She shivers in fear and anticipation as she drives toward the little cabin, deep in the woods. She wants to see him. She wants to see him a lot. To much. She had thought about passing the case on to Gil but, the thought of not seeing him..  
She pulls up and steps out on shaky legs. She heads towards the porch as he steps out. “Claire,” and the way he said her name calms her nerves. 

“Jamie. How is your hand?” She is determined to keep it professional.

“It seems alright. Doesn’t pain me to much.”

“Good.” He opens the door for her and she enters. It is cozy warm with the only light coming from the fireplace. Romantic, is what she immediately thinks. She quickly shuts of that line of thought. “I need to check you.” 

“Aye,” he takes a seat on the bed and she joins him. She takes his cast covered hand and touches his fingers, making sure they are getting good blood flow. “Claire, did ye..with the doctor?”

She can't brush him off as easy as Gillian. Crap! “No. I couldn’t.” She holds his hand as she talks All was well she just doesn’t want to let him go.

“Why not?” his voice is low and the sense of intimacy Increases. 

“It would have been unfair. It wasn't him I wanted.” She hadn't meant to be this open. She meant to deflect. But, she finds herself unable to be less then honest with him.

“I want ye too. So made I am crazied with it. I ken it is wrong but..”

“It feels right.”

“Aye. It does. 

“I am here as your medical provider. I can't it would be unethical to.”

“I won't tell.” Her eyes drift shut and she leans her head again his chest. His arms come around her. 

“Jamie, I am so confused. I shouldn’t be wanting this.” 

“Do ye love him, the doctor."

“I … I thought I did. But he doesn’t fire my blood. Lust or.. I don’t know. But this, between us..”

“I never told anyone else. I've lived her five years Claire. And no one knows my story bar ye. It means something, this trust between us, this pull.” 

“I know.” She shivers and he pulls her closer, almost on his lap. It isn’t enough and she swings her legs over straddling him. He rugs her back and the urge to pull of her shirt and bra so he can touch her bare skin is overwhelming. “Oh God.”

“I ken. We canna stay balanced here, between . I want ye Claire. What do ye want?”

“You. I want you.” 

“Now?” 

“Yes. God yes.” With a groan he lowers her down. And her phone rings. 

“Can ye?”

“No. Dam it! I am still on duty. It could be about a patient.”

“Iffrin!” She feels that as he moves off of her so she can answer it.

“Claire Beauchamp,” her professional voice is more stern then normal. “What! Oh no! No Gil, I will be right there.” She disconnects. “Dam it all to hell!”

“An emergency?”

“Yes. I must go. I really need to talk to Joe first.”

“Ye are right.”

“Sorry. So sorry.” She must run but can't resist a kiss first. She brushes her lips across his and holds her close for a moment, deepening it. 

“Will you come back?”

“I will. I will deal with this and talk to Joe, then I will.” She kisses him again, quick and hard and then runs out.


	13. A Bad Outcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire loses a patient. How will she cope. Very angsty.

She rushes through the door of the ER and straight into Joe. “How is she?” She demands, her breath still coming in gasps from the sprint from the parking lot.

“In surgery. Catch a breath Claire.” He leads her into a semi-private area and continues,” She came in with a blood pressure reading of 180/12p.”

“Christ! Damn! It was 150/90 when I took it. I tild her to come into L&D. I told her!”

“I know Claire. I know. She was waiting on her husband. The paramedics urged her also. When she started seizing, they took it out of her control.”

“Oh God!”

“She is being delivered now. All we can do is wait. How was the patient you were seeing when Gillian called?”

“Jamie!” her heart called out. She is nervous ans stressed and wants him. “He is fine. Hand seems to be healing well.”

“So, you were with Hunter?”

“Yes. Came there right after seeing Mrs. Bailey.” She stands up and starts to pace.

“Come. I will take us to the L&D waiting room.” She follows him knowing they need to talk but, also knowing it can't be now. Her focus is on Mrs. Bailey and her child.

They find Mr. Bailey staring at the wall with her sister. Claire wonders who has the children.

“Nurse Claire,” her sister, Joann, jumps up. “Will she be okay? Will Joy survive this?”

“Joann, Mr. Bailey.”

“Mark,” he supplies as he joins his sister-in-law.

“Mark. The cure for eclampsia is delivery. It is her best shot.”

“I tol' her to come in. I did!” Joann wails.

“I know.” Claire can't offer more then that. She will not give them false hope. “Who has the children?”

“Our neighbor, Glenda. She is right good with the youn'uns.” Mark answers. “Nurse Claire, I want to get that operation. So my Joy don't have to go through this again.”

“A vasectomy?”

“That is it.”

“That is smart. Dr. Abernathy here can help you get that set up.” 

“Joe Abernathy. I will be happy to help.” 

“Thank ya. Five is enough.”

“I agree.”

They all wait. Claire and Joe know that the longer it goes on, the worse the outcome may be. 

“How long?” Claire finally asks Joe.

“To long. I will see what I can find out.” As he walks towards the door, the surgeon walks in. They know right away. Claire reaches for Joe's hand.

“The Bailey family?”

“That is us. Please, how is my Joy?” Mark asks. Joann clings to his arm.

“We should go somewhere private.”

“Please. Just say it. How is my sister?”

“She was safely delivered of a baby girl. The infant is fine. Small but..”

“Doctor, please just tell them.” Claire says. 

“She had a stroke on the table. It caused irreversible brain damage. She is gone. I am so sorry.” Mark would have collapsed if not held by Joann.

“There is nothing?”

“No. She can't breath on her own. Has no heartbeat or brain activity. She is on machines so you can say goodbye and decide whether to donate her organs. The baby is in the nursery. Again, I am so sorry.”

“I need to see her.” Mark says.

“Follow me.” He leads them out and Claire falls down in a chair.

“I should have made her come in. Should have physically forced her too!” she cries out.

“I am sure the paramedics feel the same. Claire love, you can't blame yourself. You told her, firmly, she needed to go. Everyone did. She made her own choice.”

“I was her healer and she is dead. Her daughter will never know her. Her children will grow up without a mom. If not my fault..”

“Claire it isn't. We make choices. We must live with the consequences of them. You couldn’t make the choice for her.”

“I need to talk to them.”

“Later. Right now I am taking you home.” She is to upset to argue.


	14. Devil's Own Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire talks frankly with Joe and then Jamie. Will they finally?

She wakes in her bed with no real memory of getting there. Had Joe seen her to bed and is he still here? She needs to talk with now that the shock of Joy Bailey's death has eased some. She gets up and heads into the living room.

“Sleep help?” Joe inquires from the couch.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“You know it isn’t your fault."

“I am trying to reconcile that. To tell myself I gave her solid medical advice but couldn’t force her to take it. It is getting from my head to heart that is hard. It hurts.”

“It will. I can take you to see Mr. Bailey. Now that it is morning.”

“Is it. I hadn’t noticed.” Jamie. She needs to call Jamie. But first..

“It is. I am glad you were able to sleep all night. I was quite worried about you love.”

Oh God! How was she to do this? She must. For him, herself, and Jamie. She pulls her courage around her. “I will phone Gillian. See if he is still at the hospital. But, first I need to talk to you.”

“I am listening.” She joins him on the couch, pulling her knees up. It is a protective gesture and Joe lopks at her with concern. “Claire, what is wrong?”

“I hate this. Really hate it. We can't work. Not as anything but friends.”

“What?” She watches the shock and hurt on his face and her eyes fill with tears.

“I love you. I love you to much to lead you on. I don’t feel the passion I should feel for you. The fire. I wanted too. I thought I could. This, us, it was comfortable familiar safe. But you deserve someone who is crazy about you. Head over heel nuts. I can't be her. I've tried but..”

“Claire, I do feel that way about you. That fire and passion.. I traveled across the world, took a job in a different country.. Look okay. You are lost in grief right now. Shouldn’t make any major decisions. Give it a few days, a week. Then we will have this discussion again. Okay?”

“It won't change the outcome.”

“Please.” His soft brown eyes are also full of tears. “I love you Claire. Please.” She nods her head even as she knows it won't matter. She just can't take away the last of his hope. “I'm going. Give you time. Call me if you need me.” Another nod and he is gone.

She needs to grieve Joy. She needs to grieve hurting Joe. But, above all else, she needs him. She needs Jamie. She heads to the shower to clean up having slept in her clothes. To upset to eat, she then just hurries out. Driving on autopilot, through a film of unshed tears( for once she starts crying, she won't stop for awhile, she arrives at the cabin.

She stumbles up the porch, at the end of her strength and courage. She knocks. 

He opens the door in pajama pants without a shirt. His shorn hair still sleep tussled, his eyes barely open. “Claire.” She falls against him.

“Oh God Jamie.” The tears start. He wordlessly guides her into the cabin. Lifting her with one arm, he places her on the bed before joining her. She clings to him. An anchor. A port in the storm. He holds her close and lets her cry. He strokes her back and whispers Ghaildhig words he prays she doesn’t understand over her.

She was right, once she started, it was hard to stop. Finally, after an hour or so, she lays hiccuping against him. 

“Your patient?” he softly asks.

“Yes. She died. Had eclampsia. I told her to go straight to the hospital. She didn’t. Had a massive seizure and died on the operating table.”

“And the bairn?”

“She made it. But she will never know her mom. Her dad has to raise her and her four brothers and sisters alone.”

“A very sad situation, indeed. She should have listened. You aren’t blaming yourself are you?”

“I am trying not to. I must look a mess.” 

“You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen.” She stares at him. “But to make you comfortable, let me fetch a rag to wipe your face.” He starts to move away and she tightens her grip on him. “I will be back. Promise.” He walks over to a sink on the other side of the room and wets a rag. He returns and gently cleanses her face. 

“Thank you. It isn’t just Mrs. Bailey. I talked to Joe.”

“Did you? What happened?” he is laying back beside her and she feels the tension coming off him. 

“I told him we, that him and I couldn't work. That I felt nothing but friendship for him and, loved him to much to hold him when I don't feel passion for him.”

“And he said?”

“That he did for me. That he does love me. That he thinks it is just a reaction to my grief. Asks if we could talk about it again in a few days or so. Reminded me that he had moved across the world for me. I told him it would change nothing but. He begged me with tears in his eyes. I could do no less.”

“Christ Claire, you have the devil's own courage. To walk away from a man who loves you so, who you have so much in common with. For me.”

“It isn’t just for you. And what exactly is wrong with you?”

“You don't know me. You don't even know my last name.”

“So tell me. Tell me what I don't know Jamie because you are my choice. Truly I didn’t have a choice.”

“Me either. I meet your eyes and was lost. Gone. There was no one else and could never be.”

“Exactly. So tell me who you are.”

“James Mackenzie Fraser. Your servant ma'am.”

“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp. Will you take me to bed Jamie? Will you make me forgot for a minute? Will you make love to me?”

“Oh God yes!”


	15. Two Become One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very intense lovemaking. Yes finally.

Frantic kisses. Her hands run down his chest, though the soft hair and to his very erect nipples. He growls against her mouth as she rolls them between her finger and thumb. He has worked her shirt off and is stumbling to unto her bra. 

“Out of practice?” Said against his chest as she works her way to one of his tempting nipples. She flicks it with her tongue causing Jamie to utter, what sounds like a Ghaildhig curse.

“Oh aye. It has been 6 years.” 

“What?” she looks up at him. “You've the entire time you've been here?”

“Nae nor a year before that. After, what happened to my family, I couldn’t allow myself any pleasure. It's the reason the lass in Scotland left.”

“Oh Jamie.” She sits up and takes his face in her hands. “Self denial was your punishment?”

“Aye. But with ye I can’t. Christ Claire, I've wanted ye since I saw ye.”

She kisses him. Their tongues war as he finds victory over her bra. She lets it fall and his huge hands replace the cotton. He cups her as they continue to kiss. Her nipples are tight against his palm. He moves his thumbs over them and her groan echoes in his mouth.  
His lips leave hers and work down her neck. Just like in her dream, she racks her hands down his back, arches up. He reaches her breast, finally, kissing all around before pulling her nipple in.

“Oh God!” She moans. He suckles her as if he was starving. She is just as hungry and works her hands down and under his pajama pants, finding the bare skin of his bum. She clings to it as he moves to the other one. “Good! So good.” 

“Aye,” he lifts up long enough to reply. “Ye taste sae sweet Claire. “ he re lowers his head. Sucking and licking until she is half mad. She kneads his bum causing him to moan as he grows harder against her leg. 

He moves away and removes her pants and knickers in one move. She had kicked of her shoes earlier. He then moves to her feet to remove her socks. After which, he kisses up the sole, causing a delicious anticipation to run through her. He looks up and grins before slowly working up her leg. She shakes under him as he licks her inner thigh. His sheets and bedspread are fisted in her hands as his breath just tickles her. 

“Jamie please.”

“Oh I will taste ye Claire. I just long to breath in the smell of your desire for me.”

“You may just make me come from your words alone.” She breathlessly replies.

“Well, if that doesn’t work.” He parts her with his fingers before lowering and really breathing her in. “Ye smell sae good. I want to taste every inch of ye. Make ye cum sae hard ye see stars and then bury myself bawls deep in ye.”

“F*ck Jamie! Please!” 

Without farther comment, he lets his tongue come out and lick her from her vagina up. One hand loosens from the bedding and lands in his hair, tighten in his curls.

He licks her up and down, moaning with her. He reaches her clit and flicks it with the tip of his tongue.  
“Yes! Yes! Don't stop Jamie. Don't stop!” her hand tightens farther. 

He kisses her right on the tip of her budding clit before softly sucking it in. She gasps and her legs start to shake. He strokes them back down, holding her still as he takes her right to the edge. She whimpers, pulling at his hair. He grins against her before moving one hand up cupping her breast as he uses his mouth and tongue to pull her over the edge. 

She screams his name as her whole body shakes, her legs press against his head. He tastes her until her body releases him. He pulls his pants off and then something hits him.

“Claire?” She looks at him with eyes blown wide.

“”Huh?”

“Are you protected? I haven’t anything.”

“Oh. Yes. We are good. Please. “

As promised, he enters her with one deep thrust. “Holy God! You feel sae good!” 

“Yes Jesus God! Yes!” still exquisitely tender from the power of her orgasm, the feel of him, filling her, sends her right back over the edge. “Jamie!” 

“Claire! Claire!” He tries to slow down put she is pulling at him as she cums. Her breasts press up against as her hands run down his arse and hold him tight.

“Good. So very good. Harder! Jamie! F*ck!”

He shakes over her. The closeness he feels for her is like nothing he has ever felt. He lowers his arms and kisses her as he moves faster and harder. He moves away so they can breath as they both get closer.  
Her legs come up and press him closer. He finds her eyes holding them as she climaxes. He sees the awe fill her eyes and gets goosebumps all over before he gets to close to control his rhythm. He loses his English and cries out in Gaelic as he buries himself bawls deep inside her as he pumps deep inside her.

“Ye alright?” he lays breathless beside her. She finds the energy to turn. 

“I am wonderful. I knew there would be heat. I dreamed of this but, wow Jamie. It was so much better. “

“Aye. I ken what it means now, for the two to become one. Ye were a part of me.”

“Were?”

“Are. Ye feel it too?”

“The drawing? Yes Jamie. I feel it too.” She toches his chest, laying her hand over his heart. “It is far to soon and a bit insane.”

“But real. It is real Claire.”

“Yes.” She rests against his chest. “I have to go. I don't want to but, I need to check on Mr. Bailey and the baby.”

“Aye. I understand. Will ye come back today?”

“Yes. I think we need to talk about this.”

“Aye. Will ye tell Joe about this? About us?”

“Not sure. I will. Just not sure when.”

“I trust ye to ken when.”

“Thank you.” She doesn’t want to move. She stays curled against him, trying to make herself. Rhen her phone rings.

“Weel, it wasn’t earlier.” 

“True.” She sighs and gets up and answers it. “Hello. Yes. I am on the way. Are they still at the hospital? Okay. Thanks Gillian.”

“Ye really have to go?”

“Yes. I will return.” She pulls her clothes on and brushes her hair, pulling it up in a ponytail.

“Ye are so beautiful.” He says as he stands up and pulls her against him. “With your face and eyes all glowing.” She rests her head against his chest. “Go love. Take care of your other patients. I will be here.”

“I know.” She lifts up seeking a kiss. He happily does.


	16. A Talk With Gillian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire has a deep talk with Gillian about Joe and Hunter( im a way) after seeing to the Bailey's.

She drives to the hospital with a huge smile. What she had done was crazy, very unlike her. But, God help her, it had felt so right. Not just physically. That should scare her. After all, he is right. She doesn’t really know him. Not in the logical, well planned way that she is used to handling her personal life. Despite this, she feels only excitement when she thinks of him, of them.

She pulls into the hospital and hurries in. She places Jamie in the back of her mind. She needs to return to healer mode. Mark Bailey, Joanne , and the new baby, need her. She sees Gillian as she steps off the elevator.

“Claire, I spoke to Joe. What is going on?”

“Is he here?”

“No. Went back to the clinic as we are here. Don't deflect. What have you done?”

“Later Gillian. I need to see to the Bailey’s.”

“Yes but, I will hold you to later.”

“Fine.” She intended to talk to her anyway. “Where are they?”

“In the nursery. They baby is fine. She will go home today.”

“Thank God. Let's go.”

They enter the sweetness of the nursery. Claire loves well baby nurseries. The smell of newborns, their cries and coos, the proud new parents and grandparents. Happy places. She knows there will be some sadness here. She is prepared for it.

Mark Bailey sits holding his new daughter. Wrapped in the blue and pink stripes of the nursery blanket, only her pink cap is visible. He is talking to her, telling her about her mommy. She is happy to see the connection. She had seen daddy's pull away from their offspring in this type of situation.

“Mr. Bailey, Mark.” She speaks softly as not to startle him or the baby  
.  
He looks up with red eyes. The mark of tears on his face. “Nurse Claire. I was just telling baby Joy here about her momma. They say I can take her home today. I am glad you are here. I have a question for you?”

“Yes?”

“She will be named Joy after her momma but I would like her middle name to be Claire, after the woman that looked after her and my Joy.”

“Oh Mark. I would be honored.”

“Good. I know you feel bad. But don't. The doc told me if you hadn’t tol' her to call an ambulance, if the medics weren’t there, I would have lost them both. I will miss her. God alone knows how I will survive, but, I've my daughter, my Joy Claire because of you. You wanna hold her. I need to find that nurse and finish her birth certificate.”

“Thank you. I would.” He stands and transfers her over. She slips into the rocker as he heads out. “Joy hello. Oh you area beauty. Ably named to. You look like your momma. Yes you do. She was stubborn but so brave. She loved you and your siblings fiercely. You got a good daddy and aunt. It won’t be easy, your life. But if you have even half of your momma's strength, you will be fine.”

She helps him see her into her home going outfit, into her car seat. He explains that Joanne is at the house with the other children.

“She is going to stay a month or so. The help get all settled. I am thankful. Joy's service is in two days. I pray you can come. You and the other healers.”

“We will be there. I am glad you have help. You have my number. Please call if you need me, us.”

“I will. Thank you for my baby Joy.” She hugs him, kisses the baby's forehead, and sees them off.

She meets Gillian at the cafeteria. She is starved, missing breakfast and all the activity. She gets a chicken sandwich and fries, a coke for energy, and joins her.

“How are they?” her friend asks.

“He is grieving hard. Wants us at her service in a few days. But, I think he will be okay. In time.” She tells her all he had said.

“How sweet to name the baby that!! I am glad Joanne is staying.”

“Me too. We will still need to check in on them.”

“Agree. Now, what is going on with you and Joe?”

“What did he say?”

“That you wanted to just be friends but that you had agreed to talk in a few days. That he thought it was just the grief over losing Mrs. Bailey.”

“I will talk to him. But it will change nothing. I love him Gillian. I love him to much to hold him when I don’t love him like I should.”

“But Claire, you did. Not three days ago. What has changed?”

“I just came to the realization. That is why I hesitated to take the next step. He was comfortable, easy, familiar, safe. But there was no real passion, thrill, danger. Nothing unknown..”

“Claire you have always been the safe, responsible, reasonable person. That is why you and Joe are perfect together.”

“Were. We were.”

“Christ! What has got into my friend? Where did Claire go?”

“I've always been here. I just buried this part of myself under societal and my family’s expectations.”

“Okay! Who is he? Who brought this side out of you?”

“I am not saying. Not yet. I will say that I broke off with Joe before..”

“You slept with this mysterious man!”

“Again not saying. I will talk with Joe. I know he will be hurt but, it would be worse later, if I lead him on.”

“I am still not sure who you are, but will support you”

“Thank you Gillian.”


	17. Like a Moth To The Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Claire have an important talk.

Rest, that is what Gillian had told her. Had said that she and Joe could handle the clinic. Claire knows she is probably hoping that she will get some rest and wake up more herself. But, Claire knows that no amount of sleep or time to think, will change her mind. She and Jamie are joined in a way that goes beyond reason. 

That scares her and thrills her at the same time.  
She knows Gillian expects her to go home. Logically she should. She has things to catch up on. Laundry and dusting. Grocery shopping and charting. But..  
Without giving much thought to it, she drives towards his house. To Jamie. She can no more stay away from him then a moth can stay away from a light. The insect might get fried but.. She might also. Get burned. 

Despite that very logical thought, she still heads to him.   
When she pulls up she sees him. He is kneeling on the porch. Nails in his mouth, a hammer in his right hand. He looks up when she stops and smiles around the nail. She steps out, he stands. She walks up.

“What are you doing?” He sits the hammer on the railing and takes the nails out. 

“Well, there was a loose board. I dinna want you to get hurt so, I am nailing back down. Or trying. My right hand is unused to such work.”

“Ahh. Want help?” His eyebrows shot all the way up. “Yes I can handle a hammer and a nail. Even a saw. I was raised to be self sufficient. Can even change a tire and my own oil.”

“Aye. Thank you.” They bend down together and he shows her the loose board. He holds it down allowing her to nail it back into place.

“There you go.” He helps her back up and pulls her into his arms. He wears overalls without a shirt, a look that drives her slightly crazy. She grabs his straps for support as he takes her lips. The kiss is intense. The end up with him pressed against the side of the cabin. 

“I missed you too. Gillian suggested I go home and rest but, I couldn’t stay away.” She confesses against his lips. 

“Do you need rest?” he is concerned. 

“No. I need you. But, we really need to finish the conversation before.” She wants him. To talk first would be smart but if he kisses her again or presses her against the hardness of him, is he even wearing anything under the overalls?, she would happily give in.

“Aye. Come Claire and lets talk.” He takes her hand and leads her into the cabin. The bed is made, she sees. She sits on the edge. He pulls the chair up by it, sitting on it, he takes hand. It helps, they both feel, to touch.   
“Claire, I wasn’t seeking it. In fact, I was running from it. From any positive emotion. I didn’t think I deserved it. To be happy. To find joy. But, when I opened the door to you, I knew. My da said I would. That when I found the other half of my heart, I wouldn't mistake it for anything else. He was right. I knew when I looked into your eyes, I had to stop running from myself. That you would change my life.”

“Was that a good thing? I saw the pain in your eyes, before you masked them, they day we meet. I made it my mission to find out what hurt you.”

“You heal my hurts. I don’t feel my pains when I am with you. It was a very good thing. I am sorry for how I behaved at our first meeting. You threw my equilibrium off. I wasn’t sure what to do and how to behave. I was shocked. I wasn’t looking for you.”

“Nor I, you. I was happy with Joe, or thought I was. Sleep walking through life. He was safe, comfortable. I thought that was enough. Until I meet you. That first week, as I was taking care of my other patients, you were on my mind. When you called, I was so worried. I feared you were hurt worse then you were saying. The stirring going through me, the pulling, was terrifying. That was another reason I brought Joe back. I thought his presence would temper it. It didn’t. That is why I couldn’t. “

“Thank Christ!”

“Yes, it would be so much harder if I had. Jamie, I only want you. I realized while driving here, that I was drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Even if I am burned in the flame, I can’t regret entering the fire with you.”

“I promise to keep you safe. I wilna let you burn.” 

“Jamie,” She slides of the bed and into his lap. “I am afraid. It is so strong what is between us.”

“Aye it is.” He holds her close. “Will it help if I say it first?”

“Please.”

He lifts up her head to catch her eyes. “I love you Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp. In time, I want to marry you. I want to watch you grow big with our child. I want to grow old with you. I want to watch the changes in your body as you have our bairns, nurse them, as we grow old together.”

“Oh. I love you too. I want all that. The red haired, blue eyed children that we will raise together. I want to walk towards you on my dad's arm. I want to meet your brother-in-law and niece and nephews. I want to grow old with you. I want to spoil our grandbabies with you.”

He can do no less then kiss her. She anchors himself on his shoulders. He kisses down her neck and she arches up. 

“Bed?” he asks against the pulse, frantically beating at her carotid artery.

“Yes.” He stands holding her and takes the step that leads them to the bed.


	18. Love Making

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Incredibly tender love is made.

It is different, after their confessions. Before, though love had been there, it was more heat. Need. This time, it is slowly, more controlled as every kiss, every touch, cries out ‘I love you.’

“Bed?” he asks against the pulse, frantically beating at her carotid artery.

“Yes.” He stands holding her and takes the step that leads them to the bed.

He lays her down and she reaches for the straps holding his overalls on. She slips them down to his waist as he pulls her shirt and bra off.

“It is the same.” He comments. Easier to take off he finds. 

“Yes,” she sighs as his hand runs over her. “I must get home and change, eventually.”

“But, not today.”

“Nor tonight.” He growls and it sends a deep jolt though her. She runs her hands down his back, pushing the denim off and discovers she was right. He is wonderfully bare under it.

He turns her around and starts to kiss the back of her neck and back. She hadn't an idea how good that would feel and can't hold back her purrs as he kisses every inch of her skin. “Jamie please.” Her pleads cause a soft chuckle against her spine she feels to her curling toes.

“Patience, my love. We've time. I long to explore every inch of you.”

“Oh god!” it is all she can say as he works her bottom clothes back off. 

“Your bum, lord lass, you have the most incredible arse.” He says as he works his way down to it. 

“Ahhhh!” is all she can say as he kisses, licks, and, even bites down. She clings to the blanket, fisting it as he works lower. He licks straight down and she arches up with a cry that echoes around the room. 

“A Dhai! I want to take my time with ye Claire, but also want to take ye right now!”

“Take me someway Jamie! God please.” He groans, flipping her back on her back, he takes her lips as his right hand works between her legs. His left rests on her breast, his free fingers stroke her nipple. Her cries of completion fill his mouth. 

“My turn.” She says, her voice a bit unsteady. She pushes him down and plays with his nipples as she kisses down his neck. 

“Oh Claire!” he moans. She feels him, pressing against her. But not yet. She wants to play a bit. 

“Patience lad.” He groans at his own words repeated back to him. She grins as she reaches his nipple. She takes it in her mouth and he cries out.

“Dinna stop. Christ Claire!” she sucks harder as he continues to cry out in Ghaildhig. She moves to the other and works her way down and finds his cock. He hand is sure and strong as she starts to stroke him. He just moans then, unable to find any words.

She is driving herself crazy also and only lasts a few minutes before positioning herself over him. She lifts him up and sinks down.

“Holy God!” he whispers.

“Yes. Help me Jamie. I..” she is paralyzed by the feelings running through her. Physical, the entire length and girth of him buried to the root in her, his heartbeat thrumming under her hands, the wonder in his eyes, and the emotional, the unbelievable feeling of completeness she feels, like a vital missing piece In her life had just snapped into place.

“I've ye lass. I feel it too.’ He just pulls her down, cradling her to him. Still fully joined, trey don't move, not at first. They just lay together, adjusting to the intensity of it. 

“I love you Jamie. God, how I love you!”

“I love ye, so much that I canna tell where ye end..”

“And you begin? I feel the same.” He sighs against the top of her head. He moves gently, just barely rocking up into her. She sighs and moans, answering his movement. They start to rock together. It is gentle, no thrusting, just a gentle coming together. When she cums, it spreads like a soft wave over her and brings her to tears. With a jerk that is a bit harder, he cums himself moaning her name.


	19. Mon Ghaol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They discuss what it all means, in their thoughts and with each other.

He watches her sleep after. She had lain breathless on his chest for awhile. They are still joined until his body relaxes and he slips out. Feeling it she slides off of him but stays curled to his side. He holds her close as their breathing evens out, as their heartbeats return to normal, losing the frantic pace caused by their orgasms. 

She relaxes farther and he sees she has fallen asleep.   
“O mo ghaol. dè a-nis? Feumaidh mi fàs fallain, dhomh fhìn air ar son. Nì mi sin. Cha bhith mi nam eallach dhut. Tha mi a ’gealltainn” He promises as he watches her sleep. He knows he .needs help to get passed what had happened to his family. To be the mentally stable person she deserves. He knows he doesn’t deserve her. He doesn’t deserve her love and loyality. He promises himself and her that he will get to the place where he feels he does.

He turns her so she is spooned by him and finally falls asleep himself.

She awakes as the sun rises higher and heats the room. Rest, Gillian had said. Well she had after completely relaxing lovemaking in the arms of her man. She sighs her body and heart at complete peace. She knows she has to have a serious talk with Joe soon. Knows she has to get Gillian to care for Jamie’s hand, as their relationship will not allow her to continue being his care provider. That will lead to a discussion why. That she needs to get Jamie the name of the therapist that can help him with the issues with his family and past. But, right now, all she has to do is lay still in his arms.

“Mon ghaol, did you sleep well?” is asked against her head.

“Very well. I needed sleep and you and got both.” She turns back to face him. “Did you?”

“Oh aye. Best I've slept in a long time.”

“Good.” She traces the lines made by the pillow case that line his face. His eyes close at her touch and she feels her heart fill with joy so pure that tears fill her eyes. “I never imagined a love so pure. With everything, and there is a lot to figure out, I know that this is strong enough to get us through anything.”

“Aye. My da,” a swallow and his eyes open to meet hers,” he told me that there was someone out there for me, someone that was made to be with me as I was her. That when I found her, I would know it, bone and heart, even soul deep. When you stood on my porch, sae brave and strong, I knew, just as he said. But then you had Joe and I doubted, even after that first kiss, Ah Dhai, Claire, it felt like our souls connected yet I still doubted because I thought you were happy.”

“I thought so too. But, even as easy and uncomplicated as it was with Joe, something was missing. The heat,” her hand trails down and lands on his chest, rubbing across his nipple.

“Christ Almighty, touch me like that again Claire!” he gasps out. She does.

“The heat, yes. But more then that. When we are together, when I touch you..”

“When we lay together.” He adds, running his own hands down finding her bum and pulling her closer. She feels what her play is doing to him and hooks her leg over his hip, drawing him closer.

“Yes! I was made for you Jamie and you for me. Your dad was right.”

“Aye. Claire I must. May I?” 

“Yes. Jamie, God yes.!” He reaches down and guides himself into her. Real life and it's issues and talks can wait a bit longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Gaelic  
Oh my love. Now what? I must get healthy. For me, for us. I won't be a burden. I promise.


	20. Outed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gillian and Joe find out about Claire and Jamie.

‘’Goodness girl. I told you to rest. ‘’Gillian greets Claire the following morning. She had went home, reluctantly, that morning. She had bathed and changed. She was refreshed but unable to hide the results of 48 hours of love making.

‘’I did rest.’’ She had, slept soundly in her lovers arms. God, had she slept well, between sessions of intense, earthshaking loving. It had never been like this. They lost themselves in each others embrace. They ceased to exist as individuals. She is soon lost in the memories.

‘’Hey, earth to Claire!’’ She comes back to herself to find Gillian waving her hands in front of her face.

‘’Sorry.’’ She is flustered. ‘’I was just.. Ah Gillian. I need you to take over Hunter's care.’’

‘’And why would I need to… wait! You are… that’s the hot sex you were recalling!’’

‘’It is more then excellent shagging. It is a soul connection. A heart connection. It is the truest thing I’ve ever known.’’

Her mate just stares at her. ‘’Bloody hell! Does Joe know?’’

‘’Not yet. I am going to tell him. Today. Can you take over his care?’’

‘’Of course. You are not worried about me falling under his spell?’’ she teases.

‘’Even if you did, he wouldn’t.’’ she replies with the confidence that comes with true love.

‘’Damn girl. You gonna marry and have babies with this mountain man?’’

‘’Eventually.’’

‘’You are going to do what now?’’ Joe's voice startles her. She jumps and Gillian gasps.

‘’Joe, I didn’t know you were there.’’

‘’Obviously. The mountain man. Hunter. He is the reason you are pushing me away?’’

‘’I will leave you two to talk and go see me new patient.’’ Gillian says, slipping away.

‘’He is the reason I realized what was between us wasn’t more then friendship love.’’ 

‘’You are f*cling him?’’

She gasps, having never heard Joe be that vulgar. ‘’What he and I have goes way beyond f*cling. He is the love of my life. God, I am sorry Joe. I never expected, wasn't looking. I was happy with you. It was comfortable, easy. If I never meet him, we would still be together. But, I did. I can’t change that. I don’t want to. I want you to find her, the woman who completes you.’’ 

‘’That was you Claire.’’ He says before turning away. ‘’I’ve patients to see as do you.’’ He walks out without another word.


	21. Gillian meets Hunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilliam and Hunter meet. She is impressed with the changes in him.

‘’Hello Hunter.’’ The man that comes to the door, is different then the last time she saw him. He is clean shaved and his hair is shorter. But, that is not the most noticeable change. That is that the scowl, the darkness, has been, lifted off his face. Like Claire, he is tired with dark circles under his eyes. But the wild mountain man is gone. Gilliam is amazed at what love has done.

‘’Gilliam, Claire told me ye would coming by, as she can no longer doctor me.’’

‘’Yes, nurse practitioner Gillian Duncan. May I come in Hunter?’’

‘’Yes. Sorry Gillian. I am just relearning my manners and haven't much sleep.’’ Said with a flush that Gillian finds adorable.

She follows him in and is, once again, surprised. Not the disordered cabin she expected, she walks into a well put together, nicely decorated, space. The bed is made, the fireplace going with the mantle above it, and the rug beneath it, neat and clean. The straight backed chair, sits cornered to the fireplace. A small table sits to the other side. 

‘’Hunter, I need to do a quick exam.’’ He nods and takes a seat on the side of the bed, 

‘’ Ye can pull the chair up, if it makes it easier.’’ She smiles as she does. She would lay odds that Claire was invited to seat beside him on the bed. ‘’Gillian, she told ye, about us?’’

‘’She did, after I guessed that it was you who put that faraway look in her eyes, that gave her much needed good loving. When she asked me to take over your care, I put it together.’’

‘’Ah. I am not playing around, ye ken. I love her, beyond how I ever thought I could. I've some darkness, in my family, it is what brought me here. But, when I am with her, it is lifted. She brings light into the darkness that used to fill me.’’

‘’I see that Hunter, ‘’ she says as she takes his casted hand in hers and starts to examine his finger tips. ‘’ you are a completely different person. It goes beyond the hair and facial hair, the scowl is gone.’’

‘’Aye, I've a bit more to go. Claire,’’ and the smile when he says her name, transforms him from handsome to beautiful. ‘’ she gave me the name of a therapist to talk to.’’

‘’That is good. I am glad you are going to talk to someone.’’

‘’I must. My Claire is sae worth it. I need to be as healthy as I can for her and myself.’’

‘’Your hand is doing well. No complications.’’

‘’Good. Ah, how is she, Claire? I ken she was going to talk to Joe.’’

‘’Well, he overhead us talking, before she got a chance to tell him. He knows. I left him alone to talk.’’

‘’He wilna harm her, will he?’’ his calm eyes have darkened.

‘’No, don’t worry Hunter. He is a good man. He is hurt. I am not saying he won't say some hurtful things, but, he won't touch her.’’

‘’Hurtful things?’’

‘’She is a strong woman. She can handle Joe. They were friends first. It will be fine.’’

He nods but knows he will call her, as soon as the lass leaves. She looks carefully at him. ‘’I'm going so you can check-up on her.’’ He laughs.

‘’I must. I need to ken she is alright.’’

‘’I know you do. I was shocked, at first, when she told me. She seemed a different person to me. The well-ordered, careful, lass, I have known for years, seemed gone. But, now I see that you just brought out what was always in her. It is a good thing. You are good for each other. I approve.’’

‘’Thank ye Gillian. I promise to do right by your mate.’’

‘’I know you will.’’


	22. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire sees patients, talks with Jamie on the phone, and has an emotional conversation with Joe.

She is able to focus on her patients. It helps. The short conversation with Joe plays heavy on her mind. She really never meant to hurt him. Before Jamie, she never saw herself with anyone else. But now, now she can’t see anyone but him. She shakes off those thoughts as she walks up to the Connelly’s. Her pother pregnant patient. She intends to keep an extra close eye on her.

‘’Claire,’’ Betty Connelly greets her,’’ please tell me that me and the baby are alright.’’

‘’That is why I am here. Don't worry, your blood pressure has never been, as close to high as Joy's was.’’

‘’I promise to do whatever you ask.’’

‘’Good. Let's check you.’’

She is leaving her house, where thankfully, she and the baby are just fine, when her phone rings. She smiles when she sees who it is.

‘’Hi.’’ Her voice is softer.

‘’Hi Mon ghaud. Are you alright?’’

‘’I am. Just seeing patients. How are you? What did Gillian say?’’

‘’I am brawl. She said I was healing fine. She also said you got into a conflict with Joe, he overhead something.’’   
She sighs. She didn’t want to think about Joe. About the conversion she still needs to have with him.

‘’We did. He overhead me talking about you and put it together.’  
’  
‘’Did he hurt you?’’ his voice is deeper, sterner. It makes her weak. She slips into the car so she can sit.

‘’No Jamie.’’

‘’In no way?’’

‘’No, I hurt him. I didn’t mean to. But, I sure did.’’

‘’I am sorry. Truly. I would never want anyone harmed by what I feel for ye.’’

‘’I know Jamie. I feel the same. But, I would never not want to meet you. I know my happiness has hurt him, but I can’t regret it.’’

‘’Nae, I will never regret it. Will you speak to hm?’’

‘’Yes. I have to try to make it right.’’

‘’I understand. Please be careful. Will you come see me after?’’

‘’I don’t want to be anywhere else.’’

‘’I love you Claire.’’

‘’I love you Jamie.’’

She sees him as soon as she enters. He stands against they door to her office staring and nothing. She takes a deep breath and walks up to him. ‘’Joe.’’ He looks up. 

‘’Claire. How are your patients, anything to report?’’

‘’No. Everyone is good. Mrs. Donnelly is worried. Understandably. But, there are no worrisome signs. I will be seeing her more often.’’

‘’Good. How about Hunter,’’ his face transferred into a sneer as he says his name. ‘’Have you heard from Gillian?’’

‘’He is recovering well.’’ No need to tell him who called. ‘’Joe let's go into the office and talk.’’ She opens it and he follows her in. He stands, arms crossed, waiting for her to talk. Lovely, he isn't going to make it easier on her. ‘’I’m sorry. I truly never meet to hurt you. I never thought there would be anyone who I would be so completely taken by. No one who would make it impossible to see anyone else but him. I thought that type of love only existed in fairy tales. But, it is the realist thing I have ever felt.’’

‘’What did you feel for me then Claire?’’

‘’I loved you. I still do. As a good friend. It was all it ever was. I thought it was more because I didn’t know what overwhelming love was. But, I do now.’’ He snorted. 

‘’ He has you all hot and bothered Claire. But heat isn't love. When you come back to reality, I just hope you find me still here.’’

‘’I hope I don’t. I pray you don’t waste one second waiting on me.’’ He stares at her a second before storming out.


	23. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Jamie discuss living arrangements.

She goes straight to his house. The smart thing would be to go home and change, at least. To shower. To check the mail. But, all she wanted was his arms. To be wrapped securely in his strength. To be home, and that was no longer her apartment, nor any place. That was him. He was home.

He walks out when she pulls up. She opens her car's door and he is there, lifting her up. She wraps her legs around his waist. He takes her lips even as he carries her inside. Her hands entangle in his hair. The want between them is as strong, or even stronger then it was when they first had came together. 

‘’Damn Claire, I can’t be near you without wanting you.’’ He growls against her neck as he sits on the bed with her on his lap.

‘’But it is more then just heat, right?’’

‘’I love you Claire. God, I adore you.’’ He finds her eyes. ‘’Oh, that was his play. He said I only want your body?’’

‘’No, he said we only want each others.’’

‘’I canna blame the lad. If the tables were turned, I would do whatever I could to keep you. I would do anything for you.’’ He brushes her hair away that had fallen out of her low bun. He then reaches back and takes it down, running his hands through it. ‘’I adore your hair. The many colors that run through it.’’

‘’It isn't dull?’’

‘’Nothing about you is dull.’’ He replies. ‘’Everything about you is bright. You are my Sorcha, my light.’’

‘’You are my home. I thought about going to my apartment, just to shower and change, check the mail, that type of thing. But, I couldn’t. Because it doesn’t feel like home. You do.’’

‘’Aye, that is exactly it. Home. Safety, light, love.’’

‘’Not that I don’t have to go home eventually.’’

‘’I ken. Though you are welcome to stay here.’’

‘’Live here?’’

‘’Aye. I ken it is primitive. But, that is only because I didn’t think I deserved more. I can easily make it more livable.’’ He is rubbing her back, instinctively pressing down on muscles tight from work. 

‘’Ah,’’ she sighs relaxing farther into him. ’I can help, financially.’’ It is said in a moan as he works a particularly tight spot of tension out.

‘’I thank you but,’’ he presses tight on the center of her back and she arches so far out she almost comes off his lap. He pulls her back. ‘’I’ve it. I inherited a lot from my parents. It sits, gaining interest at the bank. I live, very cheaply here. I will start, if you wish, tomorrow.’’ He meets her eyes again.

‘’You are sure. It is a sacrifice Jamie. You have lived, very alone for five years.’’

‘’Aye, I would sacrifice anything for your love. It is here. Or your apartment. In town or here. Here is easier, but we can do your house, if you are more comfortable.’’

‘’No. I've just lived there two months. You have made a home here.’’

‘’I’ve made a place to live here. You made it a home. So, you will live with me then?’’

‘’Yes. I don’t want to spend one more night out of your arms.’’

‘’You won’t get in trouble with work?’’

‘’Not as long as you aren't my official patient. It will actually be easier, to live among my patients.’’

‘’Good. Shall we discuss remodeling or..’’ He works his hands under her shirt and undoes her bra.

‘’Or,’’ She pulls her shirt off.


	24. Renovation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie starts the process, mentally, of making a home for him and Claire.

“So, what do you need to make this home?” he asks her later. They lay in a sweaty heap in the center of his bed, no, their bed. He is full of plans and wants to discuss it. Claire, saited by multiple orgasms and the presence of the man that caused them, just wishes to sleep.

“Wot?” she opens one eye.

“Renovation. What do I need to do to make this home to you?”

“Be here. I just need you and a small lay-in.”

“You have me. Sleep love. We can talk when you wake.”

“Okay. Thanks babe.” She is asleep a minute later. He watches her for a bit. He can't get enough watching her. He never thought he would find her. Someone who could help him start to feel again. That thought has him up and walking around the small cabin. Perfect for the recluse he used to be. It will not do for Claire and the Jamie he is rediscovering. 

His kitchen is the fireplace, a burner, and a dorm size fridge. A smoke house outside keeps meat the way his forefathers did but.. No. They need a full kitchen. And bath.

He has an indoor toilet but, the shower is outside. He will put in a full bath, with a claw foot tub. Deep enough, therefore for both of them. A stand alone indoor shower.. What else?

He looks to her, sleeping stretched out with nary a stitch on. Bedroom privacy. That is also essential. She likes the fireplace so the bedroom will have one. The room they are in now can stay the living room. More furniture. They will need more furniture. She may have some from her apartment she will want to use. He will ask. If not.. Oh and closets. Lasses need closets. 

He sits back down beside her and brushes the hair off her face. “You,” she had said. Well, that means also doing some renovation to himself. He will get that therapist number from her abd make an appointment. A bit more at peace, he lays back beside her. He will rest too. They can start the renovation work, when they wake.


	25. Ye Did What!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire tells Gillian about moving in with Hunter.

She had hesitated to tell Gillian. She knows her reaction will be extreme. She doesn’t disappoint. 

“Ye are going to do what now? Have ye lost your bloody mind! First breaking up with Joe for a man ye barely know and now moving in with him! “

“I understand you are shocked. It is a bit out of character.”

“A bit! You are a bloody different person!”

“But,” she continues ignoring her mates outrage. “It does place me nearer my patients.”

“You could do that without moving in with Hunter!”

“And,” she plows through,’ I am a better practitioner, a calmer person, an altogether more put together person, when I am with him. The same goes for him.”

“Well, I have to admit I've not seen you this happy and content in awhile and he sure looks more human with the grooming.”

“And,” she adds,” He is going to start seeing Maggie to work out some of.. Well stuff.” She can’t say more and break his confidence.”

“Good. That is good. Claire, are you sure lass?”

“I've never been so sure of anything as I am of him and I.” She softly says.

“Lord, you are gone. Alright,” a deep sigh. “Okay, I will support you. I only want the best for you and if that is Hunter then,” a shrug,” well, so be it. What do you need lass? A place to stay? Help moving?”

“Gil thank you! None of that right now. He is working on renovations now. And, before you ask,” she saw her friend scowl and start to say something. “He is financing all of it. I offered to help. I will be living there, after all. But, he would have none of it. Said it was his job. It will be totally transformed.”

“Well, that improves my opinion of him. Not a user. Not that I thought you would allow yourself to be.. But love makes you do strange things.”

“I get it. I see why you feel that way. But no. He is the most giving man I have ever meet. In everyway.”

“So you are still living at your place while this is going on?”

“Part of the time. I do have to pack and organize. But, most of the time I am at our house. A would rather live amoung the chaos and be with him.”

“Okay when do I need to prepare the wedding?” Gillian asks her.”

“What? We aren’t talking about that.”

“You will be soon. I've never seen anyone so smitten.”

“I love him.” She simply says,” more then I ever thought possible and he feels the same.”

“I see that.”


	26. A Bit of Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk about his upcoming therapy appointment and make love.

“Any concerns about seeing Maggie tomorrow?” They zit in front of the fireplace. The signs of construction are everywhere. He had started with a proper bathroom. Doing as much of the work on his own as he could,

“Not because I wouldn’t wish to pay someone else to do it, ye ken? Just because I enjoy doing the work myself.” He had explained.

It was beautiful. Blue and white tile, a stand alone shower and a claw tub, an old fashion deep sink, it fits the theme of the cabin. He is now working on the kitchen and bedroom. But for now they are still in the living room, laying on the couch, cuddling. His first therapy appointment is the next day.

“Nae, “ a pause as he runs his hands down her back drawing her closer, “What will happen tomorrow?”

“She will introduce herself. You will too. Either by Hunter or Jamie. I made the appointment under Hunter.” He jerks a bit.

“You did?”

“Yes. It is up to you to tell her when you are comfortable. This is your story. Telling it, at your pace, is what therapy is about.”

“I dinna ken. I thought how I might need to come in and tell all.”

“Yet,” She looks up at him, how his face is reflected in the firefight,” You were still going to go?”

“Aye, though what you have told me relieves me. But aye. I need to get well. Ye deserve a whole man and I would do anything for you. And,” he adds as she starts to talk, to protest, he is sure. “ I am tired of being a half man, living in the past in the midst of grief.”

“I am so proud of you. To face your fears.”

“Thank you.” His hands find her bum and starts to kneed it.

“Ah, nice Jamie.”

“I do love your bum. It is sae wonderfully round and firm.” 

She knows he means it. She feels what her arse is doing to him. She feels it against her belly. She starts to move against him and his groans joined hers.

“God Claire. I canna be near you and keep my hands off ye and canna touch ye and not want ye.”

“As long as we are here, that is okay. In public though..”

“Will have to work on that but, for now..”

“For now,” she starts to unbutton the shirt she is wearing, on of his. He keeps his hands on her bum but watches her hands. She eases them open slowly. His heartbeat gets louder with each opened button. She gets down to her waist and eases it open. His eyes follow. He suddenly can't wait and his mouth follows his eyes and draws one of her nipples in as soon as she reveals it.

“Ah God!” she gasp. He moves one hand off her bum and helps her get the shirt off. He then cups and plays with the one he isn't sucking on. She can’t stop rubbing against him and it is making them both frantic. 

Her hands find her way between them and work his pant open. The hand that is on her bum eases her pants down. They are facing each other and as soon as their pants are off, she eases him into her. 

“Oh God Claire!” he groans when her leg comes up and presses his own fine arse closer.

“Good so good!” He eases in and out of her, rolling his hips. Her hands tighten on his back, as starts to speed up, responding to her own movements and the pressure of her nails in him. “Going to… ah hell!” Her head drops down on his neck as her body shudders around him.

Soft curses and sweat explode from him as he gets close. She starts to kiss his neck and he pulls her closer and with a deep groan, jerks inside her as he climaxes.

“Better?” she asks as the fire dies down and they both catch their breathes.

“Oh aye. Always after laying with you. You are my calm place Claire.”

“And you are mine.” They move to the bed, after he builds the fire back up and sleeps in the peace found in each others arms.


	27. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunter's first therapy session.

She had made the appointment as the last one of the day so he doesn’t have to sit in a waiting room with others. He is thankful. Unable to get comfortable in the wee chairs, he stands as he waits for her to call him in.

“Hunter?” He nods and follows the small red head back.

“Maggie?”

“Yep, that us me. I've a receptionist but, just for the paperwork. I come get my clients myself.” He nods as he follows her into the room. It is set up like a living room and he feels more at ease.. “Sit wherever you like.”

He does sitting on the edge of the couch. She smiles as she sits on the chair across from him.

“It is just that it is bigger, eh. Not because it is expected.” He says when he sees her smile.

“Hunter, when I invited you to sit anywhere, I meet it. If you wanted to sit on the floor, you could.”

“You've had patients sit on the floor?”

“Clients but yes.” He nods and sit back some.

“Okay, now what?”

“What do you wish to get out of therapy?” She is trilling her pen around. He starts to tap his thigh with his fingers.

“I want to be able to let go of the past and fully live."

“A good goal. Hunter, I don’t like to take notes during sessions. I can but some folks find it distracting. I can record or take notes. Up to you.”

“I dinna mind if you record.”

“I am sorry dinna?”

“Means don't. Sorry. I tend to slip into the Ghaildhig when nervous.”

“It is fine. I will just ask if I don’t understand.”

“My family, what happened to them. That is what I need to get passed.” She nods and hums urging him to go on. “I am the oldest. Had a brother and sister. Willie and Jenny. Jenny, she lost a bairn, err baby , in pregnancy. Got addicted to the pills they placed her on. She, well she lost all including herself. My brother-in -law tried. He did,” he is fervent like she had argued with him. “But, he had other weans, children, that is. Ge had to choose them. I blamed him, for the longest time. He should have seen to her, I thought, but.. No, he did all he could. She made her own choices. “ He stops and runs his hands through his hair, missing the heft of it. “Her choice and she doesn’t even ken what her choice costs because we still don’t know where she is.”

“So, she is missing?”

“Aye. Somewhere in England, London we believe. I canna anymore today.”

“That is fine Hunter. You did really well. This is at your pace.”

“So Claire said.” His heavy moved lightened. She sees it in the way his eyes lighten, his posture relaxes, the soften of his face when he says her name.

“We have 15 or so minutes, you want to tell me about her?”

He smiles and starts too. “She is wonderfully stubborn, smart, sweet, loyal, and other things,” a blush,” She saved me. Pulled me out of the deepness of my grief. She fixed my body and holds my heart. I love her. I dinna think I could love anyone again but, she showed me it was possible. Just for that, I owe her my soul. She brought hope and light.”

“This is very good Hunter. I believe, with some work, we can get you out of the past.”

“Good. I want to be able to have a future. A future that includes Claire, maybe even that allows me to take her home for a visit.”

“Do you write Hinter?”

“Aye lass. I've a fair hand.”

“Good.” She hands him a notebook and pen. “I want you to write in it everyday. Matters not what. Just whatever you are feeling. It will be only read by you and eventually me, unless you choose differently. So be honest. Everyday, even if it is just a line. I will see you same time next week.”

“Aye lass. Thank you.”


	28. Journal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie does a bit of self reflecting.

It is all about her, at first. The quick sentences and then paragraphs, and finally pages. They are odes to Claire, his Sorcha. He understands that Maggie wants him to write about the past, about Jenny and Willie, about his parents. But, he needs to work up to it. 

The night before his next appointment with the lass, he lays and watches her sleep. The bedroom is finally done and they had made vigorous love behind several closed doors. She had fell into a contended sleep after. He needs to but he can't. He never imagined being both this happy and scared. 

She makes him so very happy. Happier then he has ever been. He is alive again and not just existing. But, he fears the past, his reactions to it, will come between them. So thinking, he reaches for the journal that sits beside the bed.

He skims through it. Her name, in the Ghaildhig, Sorcha( light) pops out at him. He smiles before moving to a clean page. He thinks for a second before starting to write by the light of the fireplace.

“She lays asleep beside me. We put the finishing touches on the bedroom today so, we sleep ( she sleeps) in it. Changes I never thought I would make. Need to make. But, she has changed me.

When I moved here, leaving Scotland, fleeing from the guilt, fleeing from what I couldn’t look at, but what I now must, I just wanted enough to shelter me. Basic. I didn’t deserve hot water, an indoor loo, a real kitchen. That is what I thought. Truly still not sure I do, but Sorcha does. So, for her and for who she sees in me, Iam turning a shelter into a home.”

He stops, thinks some more as he runs his hand down her free curls. He is debating going there. To Jenny. To his guilt. At least pulling the scab off a little. With a deep sigh, he turns back to the journal.

“J, my sister, she is who I was running from. The guilt I feel for not helping her. Letting her actions harm my family. Angry at her, angry at myself. So, here I sought, if not peace, at least absolution. She brought peace but the other I am still searching for the other.”

It is enough and he puts it down and curls back up around her. She sighs and sinks closer. He smiles and kisser her head before closing his eyes and finally finding sleep.


	29. Joe and Hunter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe is leaving and needs to see Hunter first. See that she is okay.

“Claire?” The way Gillian said her name has her guard up. It has been a month since she fully moved in with Jamie ( who is still Hunter to Gillian). They had made real progress on the cabin, turning it from a place for a hermit to a home for a couple. Claire assumes it isn't about that. She seemed okay with her change of address since she knows Hunter wasn’t a user.

“Yes Gillian.”

“Joe wants to check on Hunter’s hand.”

“Why?” Joe. His name brings a small surge of guilt. They have been professional since she made it clear she was with Hunter and that wasn’t changing. “His hand is healing fine. You will be taking the cast of in a week.”

“You know why. The hand is an excuse. He wants to take the measure of the man. Me telling him that he is a gentleman, treating you right, is not enough.”

“You've said that?”

“Yes. It is true. If not the lad would have already got the other side of my tongue. But, he is not who he presented himself, at first. I've told Joe such but.. Look Claire, I don't think he will be able to move on until he sees, for himself, that you are alright.”

“I will be there and J ah Hunter will know he is coming.”

“I told him you would want as much.”

Claire nods. “When does he wish to do this?”

Gillian gives her a sharp look. “You really haven’t been talking, have you?”

“No. It has been.. What don't I know?”

“Joe is leaving. Tomorrow. Has plane tickets back to London.”

“Oh God! I didn’t.. Jesus!”

“So, he wants to see him tonight.”

“I should find him. Talk..”

“No Claire. Tonight is good enough. I know what you want to do. You wish to beg for his forgiveness, to say you are sorry. He has already forgiven you and he knows you are sorry, that you didn’t mean it. You want to see if you can still be friends. I am sorry but you can't, not right now. Maybe with time. The best thing you can do for him is let him leave, knowing you are alright and with his dignity.”

“Oh God! I really didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

“He knows that too. Go prepare Hunter for his visit.”

“I would feel the same, you ken, in his place.”

“So, you don't mind.” 

“Nae Claire. If I can offer the lad some peace of mind, I want to. It is the least I can do.”

“You feel guilty also.” 

“How can I not? I took you away from him.”

“Jamie, we were destined to meet. The fact I was with Joe is unfortunate but.. Nothing could have changed us being together. That first kiss,” An unconscious running of her tongue ocer her lips,” Well there was no going back.”

“Agree. But still, if I can make it easy on him. Easier.”

She agrees. The fact he is leaving, without a word to her, had hit her like a gut punch. The expected knock on the door made her jump. He takes her hand in a squeeze before going to open it. Joe stands, hands clasped in front of him.

“Joe, Dr. Abernathy, welcome to our home.” He invites him in. 

“Hunter,” a nod in greeting,” I wouldn’t have known you.”

“Aye. Claire has wonderful barbering skills.” Claire has stood and joins the men.

“Joe, I…”

“Gillian told me she told you. I should have. Just wasn't sure how.”

“I understand. I'm. I will miss you.”

“Yes. I just need some distance.” A sigh. They all still stand.

“Come in and gave a seat.” Jamie invites. That is when Joe really notices the changes.

“Thank you. You have really made some changes.”

“Aye,” he says as Joe takes a seat on the new chair. Claire and Jamie sit across from him on the sofa. “Aye Claire deserves a decent place to live. I was fine but.. She has changed me. Made me see myself as worthy of more then a hermit's lifestyle. And she surely was.”

“I would have stayed, either way. It was and is about him. Not the surroundings.”

“And who is financing this overhaul?”

“Gillian didn’t tell you?” Claire asks.

“It is okay mon ghaurd. I am. Claire has offered. I told her no. I wish to make a home for her. It is my responsibility, as her man. She will have what she needs, that is my vow to her and to you. She will be taken care of.” Claire starts to say something and Jamie stopped her. “I ken you can see to yourself. But it is a honor to see to you. You are my heart Claire, the best part of me, my light. I canna be less to you.” A deep sigh as she melts against him. “Joe I ken you are here to see to her not my hand. She is alright, I swear it. We Highlanders take vows verra seriously. Nae harm will come to her in my presence.”

“I appreciate your honesty. I believe you. It is a relief. Thank you.”

“Thank you for trusting her with me.” Joe stands and they stand with him. Jamie offers his hand and Joe shakes it. Claire carefully walks closer and Joe hugs her. 

“Be happy.” He instructs her.

“You too.” A nod and he is off. She collapses against Jamie.


	30. Reconnection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie starts to reconnect with his family.

“This is what I want you to do this week. I want you to write a letter to your brother-in-law. You don't have to send it. Just write it.” Maggie instructs. Hunter had finally told her the true story of why he was here. Why he had been living as Hunter.

“Aye.” He twists his hands together as he sits on the edge of the couch.

“You do not have to mail it out.” She reminds him. “You are doing good work here Hunter. But, the next step is to deal with the guilt you feel about leaving him and your nieces and nephews. This is a way to start.”

“Aye.” Said with a bit more confidence. “Aye ye are right.”

Later that night, he sits at the desk he had set up in the new living room. Claire sits on the couch, going over medical records. She is always behind on her paperwork. She looks up to see Jamie chewing on the end of his pen. She knows what he is trying to do. He had explained his assignment. She agrees with Maggie but knows who hard it will be.

“Pretend he is sitting across from you and what you are writing is what you are saying.” She softly suggests.

“A grand idea. Thank ye Claire.” He turns back to the paper and she turns back to her charts. It is quiet, other then the crackle of the fireplace for a few minutes. Then she hears the pen moving across the page and smiles.

“Ian,   
Mo bhràthair. I am sae sorry. I left you when you needed me most. I've nae excuse other then my own anger and guilt. I blamed you, her, them, and mostly myself. I couldn’t handle the fact that I couldn’t prevent what happened. I was the big brother. It was my responsibility. You were her husband sae I blamed you too.   
I came here to hide but I have ne' not for one single day, not had you and the bairns, on my mind. I just wasn't close enough to being in a healthy place to have contact. I would still be there, living like a hermit, if it wasn’t for my Sorcha, my Claire. She arrived like an angel. She showed my life goes on. That I still live. That love and live are still possible.   
I am getting better mo bhràthair. I dinna ken if ye can forgive me for leaving as I did. But if you can, I am including my telephone number. Call me if ye can forgive or just wish to yell at my clod heid. I would really like to hear who ye and the clann are doing. Do they even recall me?   
God, I am sae sorry. I love you.   
Jamie.”

He mails it out with shaking hands. 

A week later, he is in the shower, singing badly of key and making Claire smile. His phone rings and Claire sees it is an out of country number.

“Ian,” she thinks as she quickly goes to answer it.  
“Hello.”

“Oh. Is this Jamie Fraser's phone?”

“Yes. He is in the shower. I am..”

“Claire! The lass that gave me my brother back. Thank ye lass.”

“He has done a lot of hard work. Thank you. Are you ringing because you forgive him?” She is determined to protect him, as much as she can.

“Aye. He is my brother. We were all badly hurting. I can do no less.”

“Claire,” he walks out, drying his hair with a towel around his waist. “Who is it?”

“Ian.” She says, holding the phone out with a smile. He collapses on to floor. She follows, handing him the phone while taking his pulse.

“Mo bhràthair.” He whispers.

“I mathanas a tha thu.” Jamie starts to cry as Ian tells him all about his children, 12 year old Wee Ian, 9 year old Maggie, and the twins, 7 year old Michael and Kitty. “Of course the recall ye. Not the twins but their brother and sister, as well as I have told them about ye. I understand why ye had to leave. I dinna blame ye.”

“Any news on..” Neither mention her name. 

“Nae. I am sae sorry.”

“Don't. I no longer blame ye. She dinna choose addiction.”

“But, ye still blame yourself?”

“I am working on it.”

“Christ lad, to see your writing. I ken'd ye still lived as ye are still drawing from the account. But, to personally hear from ye.”

“I am sae sorry it took sae long.” 

“Ye took the time ye needed to heal. Or to start to heal. Will ye come back?”

“I wish to visit. Bring Claire. But we are making a life here.”

“I understand. We would just be happy to see ye.” 

They talk for awhile more, promising to talk again in a few days. When he rings off, he collapses in realized tears in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Ghaildhig in order  
My brother  
Childern  
I forgive you.


	31. My Name is Jamie.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie told Maggie how it went with writing the letter to Ian.

“I sent the letter.” He sits back against the couch and holds the throw pillow against his chest. Maggie smiles at him, raising her eyes as she encourages him to go on. “I gave him my number and he called. He called! We talked, cried. He forgave me as I did him. He told me how the bairns are doing. It is like a huge weight has been lifted. Even though he had nae news on my sister. Family. I was able to reconnect with family.”

“That is so good. I am glad it worked out so well.”

“Aye. I wasn’t sure where to start. Claire just told me to talk to him like he was sitting across from me. That is what I did, pouring my heart out. “

“Good advice.”

“Ye both have helped me clear through the fog of guilt and anger. Now I will be able tae take Claire tae Lallybroch for a visit. Something I couldn’t imagine even a few months ago. I thank ye Maggie.”

“You are quite welcome Hunter.”

“Tis Jamie. My name is Jamie. Jamie Fraser.”

“Jamie. Thank you.”

“You have earned my true identity. For it is ye and Claire that have helped me find Jamie again.”

“So Jamie, when are ye heading back to Scotland?”

“This summer, when the bairns are out of school and when Claire has some vacation time. In the meantime, Ian and I will be writing and ringing each other. Reconnecting aye.”

“It is a grand plan. We will work on getting Jamie as mentally healthy as possible.”

“Aye.”


	32. News.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie prepares for their trip to Scotland as Claire shares some news with him.

They lay wrapped up on their bed. The fire is going as the rain falls harder outside. They are comfy and warm, wrapped up in each other. Jamie is on his tablet, making plans for the trip back home. Claire curls beside him reading a novel.

“All done.” He declares around ten minutes later.   
“Flights booked, Rental car reserved. We will be on our way to Scotland in two weeks.”

“Wonderful! I can’t wait to meet Ian and the children.”

“They can’t wait to meet you. You are all I ever talk about, tae hear Ian tell it.”

She giggles and, laying the book aside, moves closer to him. “Is it true?”

“Weel, a fair amount, aye.”

“Do you discuss Jenny?”

“Aye, we do some. Will more in person. Some conversations require being eye to eye.”

“I understand. Oh! I didn’t tell you. I have news.”

“About?”

“Joe. He is moving back.”

“Here?” She nods. “Why?”

“Well it seems he misses someone.”

“Ye Claire?” His arms wrap tighter around her in a clear possessive gesture.

“No. Not me. Gillian!”

“Gillian. He likes Gillian?”

“Yes. Seems he started calling her after our breakup. Just to talk and vent a bit. She listened, offered advice, was a good friend. Over time, it became more. She worried that she would be the rebound lady but seems there already was a lass in England. They are serious about each other. “

“And how do you feel about that?”

“You sound like Maggie.” He shrugs. With all the therapy he has had in the last six months, he is bound to. “I am truly happy for them both. I know Joe is a good man who will treat her right. They both deserve to be happy.”

“Nae jealousy?”

“Jamie, I have found all I have ever wanted and more then I dare dream of, in you. I love you with all that is in me. No, not jealous. Not even a smidge.”

“Good. I am happy for them also. I like Gillian. I am glad she has found love.”

“Yes. Now that the flights and all are booked and I've told you my news.”

“Aye lass.” Said with a smirk as he adjusts them so she is straddling him.

“I want you Jamie. Will you have me?”

“God yes.” She shimmies her knickers off as Jamie lifts her sleepshirt off. He lay in just boxers, making it easy enough to free him and sink down on him. The rest of the night is lost in moans, groans, keens, and purrs.


	33. One Last Seesion.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie's last session with Maggie before he and Claire head to Scotland.

“Are you ready for this?” Maggie inquires. It is three days before he and Claire depart for Scotland. She had insisted on one more session before they leave.

“I am. I am nervous, eh. Not sure if that is because I will be introducing the reminder of my family to Claire or because of returning home to all those memories.”

“Probably a bit of both.”

“Aye. Claire,” he stops his eyes getting far away, “ she is quite excited about it but a bit worried about me.”

“Does she have cause to be?”

“Do you mean will I retreat back to Hunter?” she nods. “Nae. That won't happen. Jamie has to much to be around for. To much to look forward to.” A smile, sweet but secretive. “I think she is more worried about me trying to find Jenny or fighting with Ian.”

“Will you?”

“No. I forgave Ian before myself and Jenny has made her own choices. She will find us if or when she is ready.”

“Good.”

“Claire got some news on her ex the other day.” She tilts her head, urging him to continue. “Her ex is returning.”

“Really. How does that make you feel?”

“I will admit that at first I felt a wave of possessive jealousy but, he is returning because he started a relationship with her mate.”

“And if that wasn't the case?”

“I tell myself that she loves me. I know I love her. We are happy. She is traveling across the pond to meet my family. All this is true. But,” a sigh,” part of me still thinks that I am not good enough for her. That her ex would suit better.”

“Claire says..?”

“That I am a fool. That she is very happy with me. That she has never been happier. That she loves me and did before Jamie came out. She did.”

“Her actions and words say she is telling the truth.”

“I know.” A shy smile,” I am still glad the bloke is here for her mate.”

“That is what we will work on when you return. That insecurity. After you tell me all about your reunion with your family.”

“Aye. Thank you Maggie. I ne' thought I would ever feel this healthy and hopeful.”

“You are welcome but you did the hard work and we have more to do when you return. But for now Bon Voyage.”

“Thank you.”


	34. Lallybroch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrive in Lallybroch where introductions are made.

After a very long plane ride followed by a very long car ride, they finally pull under the arches of Lallybroch proper. Her breath catches when she sees it. She turns to look at Jamie and sees tears running down his face.

“I ne' thought I would see her again.” He confesses through them. “To be here, it feels more a dream then reality.”

“Come, let's touch those old bricks and make sure she is real.” He comes around and lets her out, takes her hand and they walk up. They place their enclosed hands on the auld bricks and she feels a shiver go through him. 

“Home. My first home. I was born here. In the Laird's room. To be back..”

“Uncle Jamie!” he jerks around at the sound of the voice. 

“Jamie, wee Jamie. It can't be! Ye are almost a man.”

“I ken It.” He embraces his sister's eldest. He comes up to his heart. God, the time he had missed. “Dad is all a flutter about ye visiting. Had the cleaning lady come in an extra day this week.”

“Are ye telling tales on me, son.”

“Ian!” They fall into each other's arms. “Christ man, is it even good to see ye.”

“Ye too. I wasn’t sure I would ever see yer face again.”

“Sae sorry.”

“None of that. We will leave the regret in the past, where it belongs. Are ye gonna introduce the lad abd I to yer lady?”

“Where is my head? Ian and Jamie Murray, meet Claire Beauchamp. Claire, my brother-in-law and eldest nephew, Ian and wee Jamie.”

“It is a pleasure, lass “ The lad took her hand, bowing low over it.

“Thank you. I have so looked forward to meeting you and your siblings.”

“Lad, go gather the others in the great room.”

“Aye dad.”

“Claire, I am honored to meet ye and thank ye for returning him to us.”

“I am honored also. I just encouraged. He did the hard work.”

“Aye. Let me show ye our home and introduce my other children.” 

They all walk in together and she is stunned by how much is original. There is electric lights but they light up an entry way filled with antique furniture and old wallpaper.

“My in-laws wished to keep the auld feel. They only modernized when they had too.” Ian explains as he leads them into the great room. The children stand at their entrance. “Maggie, Michael, and Kitty, yer uncle Jamie and his lass, Claire.”

Maggie walks over to them. “I remember ye Uncle Jamie.”

“As I do ye lass. Te were just a bit younger then the twins when last I saw you.”

“Aye. Hello Claire. Nice to meet ye “ Like her brother, She bows over her hand.

“Michael and Kitty, come meet yer Uncle Jamie and Claire.” Ian instructs. They do, holding tight to each other's hands.

“Hi.” They greet them together.

“Hi. I understand you don’t recall me. You weren’t even two when I left. I am sorry I haven’t keep in better touch. I will from now on.” He addresses them all.

“Jamie, help your uncle and Claire with their bags. We are acing you in the Lairds room, If that is alright?”

“Thank you Ian.”

“Get cleaned up and we will have supper.”

“Aye.” They follow the lad up the stairs.


	35. Calm Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chores, a walk, a question.

She woke up wrapped in Jamie's arms in the peace of the Highlands. The only sound is the sound of wood burning in the fireplace. It is quiet in the Appalachian mountains too but, this is a different, a deeper quiet. She hates to break it so she just curls closer, burying her face deeper in his neck.

The quiet is shattered by a loud knock on the old thick wooden door followed by children’s voices. “Wake up Uncle Jamie, Miss Claire. Da says there are chores to do.” Wee Jamie says. 

“Yah!’

“Come on.”

“You are wasting the day!” Adds the others. A groan comes from Jamie as he buries himself and her deeper under the thick quilt.

“Go away, a leahans. We will be down shortly.”

They hear them run off. She finds his eyes and grins. He smiles back and kisses her deeply. 

“Come Sassanech. Ian will be next and he has a key.”  
They had slept naked after making love. She blushes and nods. They get up and get dressed. She helps him remake the bed. They then head downstairs.

“You must distract the rooster, ken? Otherwise he will peck ye. The best way is to feed him.” Maggie is explaining. They are in the coop to collect eggs. The little lass scatters the feed around and the rooster and his haram come running. Claire and Maggie quickly gather the eggs. 

Jamie and wee Jamie are milking the coos( as they are called) while Ian feeds them and the horses. The twins are helping Miss Crook with setting up for breakfast.   
They are soon all gathered with fresh eggs and milk.   
Miss Crook soon has breakfast set before them. Eggs, fresh bread, porridge, and warm milk. It was the best breakfast Claire has ever had. After,’ before Ian pulls me away to repair fences,’ as Jamie says to his brother-in-laws delight, ‘I want to take a walk with you and ask you something.’

She joins him and they walk hand-in-hand around the grounds. He points out the tower that gives the estate it's other name Broch Tartuach, or north facing. “As the door faces north.” He explains as she laughs. He then showed her the old mill and pond. 

“My great- great great grandsire used to ground the flour to make bannocks right here.”

“Such incredible history.”

“Aye. Come, there is a small monro that looks over the whole estate.” He helps her up it, lays out a tarden, and invites her to sit. “I've something to ask you. I have wanted to for awhile but wished to do it here.” She nods, giving him her full attention. “I knew, from the moment I saw you, standing on my porch, that you would change my life. You have. I ken it took my own courage to work out my issues, but, Claire, I couldn’t have except by borrowing from your own. At least until I was able to find my own. You are my strength and courage, my present and future, my heart and soul, you are my calm place, the place where I can find true rest, to clear my own head. This place is too. So, it is the perfect place to ask you.” He readjusted himself, slipping on his knees and pulling something out of his pocket. 

She knows and her heart starts to pound. She holds her breath as tears fill up her eyes but she gets still and lets him finish.

“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, you are the person my hard heart had been waiting on, hoping for. You have brought me back to my family and became my family. I want to see our children playing in the Appalachian mountains and here, with their cousins. I want to give you my name, clan, body, and future. I want to spend everyday, for the rest of my life, by your side, helping you live your dreams as you help with mine. Claire, I love you. I love you so much it sometimes makes me catch my breath, will you marry me?”

“Yes!” she is shouting before he even opens his hand to reveal the ring. White gold, oval shaped, with a beautiful diamond in the center.

“It was my mam's. Will you wear it? I can get a new one.” Said in a rush.

“I will wear it with pride.” He slips it on her left hand. 

“Perfect. You did say..” He wants to hear it again.

“Yes! Yes Jamie, I will marry you, we will have beautiful babies who will grow up here and in North Carolina. I will be Mrs. Fraser.”

His shout of joy echoes across the estate.


	36. Engaged!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Jamie share their news and they start making plans.

They walk back into Lallybroch, hand in hand. Ian looks up from the telly and smiles at them. “Did you have a good walk?”

“Very. I ask Claire a very important question and she said..”

“Yes!” she holds her left hand out. Ian jumps up and comes up to them. 

“You proposed?” His eyes alight as they land on the ring. 

“I did. Have wanted to for awhile but, I wanted to do it here. When I realized it was possible, that I could bring her here, bring her home, I decided to wait and ask her as I had planned, give her mam's ring.” As he talks, he keeps his arm around her, keeping her close. 

“It is wonderful news! Welcome to the family Claire.” He hugs her as well as he can, as Jamie hasn't let her go.

“Thank you Ian.”

“Okay guys, come and sit. We need to discuss wedding details.”

“Ian, we both officially live in the states. We were thinking we should get married there.”

“Logical but, a ceremony here would allow me and the bairns to witness it. As much as I would love to fly across the pound to see you married, with the bairns, school, and work, it just isn't possible.”

“Right,” he looks at his intended. “Claire what do you say to a commitment ceremony here and an official legal wedding in North Carolina?”

“I think it is a wonderful idea. I can see you in a kilt, me in a fancy dress, standing in front of the fireplace, committing ourselves to each other where generations of Fraser's have done before.”

“”Oh Claire!”

“Hand fast. You could be hand fast.”

“Perfect.”

“What is hand fast?”

“It is a way, that in auld times, a couple would be able to be married if there were no clergy around. It committed them for a year and a day, time to get properly married. It used to involve a blood vow but now, it is just binding are wrist together and repeating auld vows.”

“Yes, lets do that. We can invite the tenants. Make a party.”

They start the planning.


	37. Jenny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenny returns to her family. Will they accept her? Is she clean? How will the children react?

The Hand Fast ceremony was planned for a week later. Jamie prepared by helping Claire learn the Ghaildhig for the vows and by finding and preparing his old kilt. Claire by learning the unfamiliar words and dress shopping. She settled on an old fashioned one with a plaid pattern.

The children are over the moon with excitement at the coming ceremony. They adore Claire and their finally returned uncle and are anxious to see them married.  
Ian has his brother-in-law’s dirk sterilized for the blood vow part of the coming ceremony. He had been surprised Claire had agreed to it. He also has the binding cord made in the Fraser colors. All is ready.

A day before the ceremony, there is a soft knock on the door. The family is all gathered in the living room, the children playing a board game as the adults supervised and made final plans.

“I will get it.” Jamie offers. He slips into the foyer and opens the door.

“Hi brother.” She is so much skinner then she was when he had last seen her, five years previous. Her hair is cut shorter and her struggles have added wrinkles to her once smooth skin. But, she was undoubtedly Jenny.

“Christ Jenny! Oh God, we thought you dead.” He finally gets out.

“I almost was. May I please come in?”

“I.. Ah aye.” He steps aside and leads her in. “Wait. I need to prepare then.” He says when they get to the doors of the living room. She nods and he swallows and enters.

“Who was it?” Ian asks. He and Claire had been chatting together and she looks up at Ian's question. At the look on his face, she stands and approaches him.

“Jamie?”

“We ah.. Have a visitor.”

“Where?” Ian looks around as Claire reaches him and wraps her arms around him.

“I told her to wait outside the door.” Wee Jamie looks up from the game. He frowns at the adults. Something is wrong. He moves instinctively closer to his younger siblings.

“Her?” 

“Ian, you should send the children upstairs.”

“Oh God!”

“Aye.”

“Jamie, take your brother and sisters upstairs. You can finish the game up there.”

“Aye da. Come guys.” He and Maggie each take an end of the board and walk up the stairs with Kitty and Michael following.

“Jenny?” Ian asks after his children clear the room.

“Aye.”

“God! Okay I guess we should hear wait she has to say.” Ian squares his shoulders and walks over to the doors. He opens it slowly.

“Ian.” She says softly.

“Jenny. Tis' been a while.”

“Aye.”

“Come in.” She walks slowly into the room that used to be the center of her home. She feels like a stranger. She looks around and sees Claire who still holds on to Jamie. 

“Hello.” Claire says. 

“Hello.” A quizzical look to Ian and Jamie.

“Jenny meet my fiancée, Claire Beauchamp. Claire, my sister Janet Murray.”

“It is nice to finally meet you. I have heard a lot about you.”

“I am sure.”

“Please take a seat Jenny. We have a bit to discuss.” Ian says. She does and the other join her. Jenny folds her hands tight on her lap and looks down on them.

“The bairns? How are the bairns?”

“All well. We sent them upstairs. Thought we should talk first.” She nods. 

“I am clean. Have been for six months and five days.” She tells them. “I ken I need to earn your trust.”

“Aye you do. I am glad you are clean.”

“Are you in a program.” Claire the LPN, asks.

Jenny looks up and meets her eyes. “Aye. Have the chips to prove it.”

“That is good.”

“Jenny, before we go any farther, we need to tell you about mam, da, and Willy.” Jamie says. Claire moves closer and takes his hand. He smiles at her. 

“Aye. Where are they?”

“In the graveyard.” He bluntly tells her.

“What! How?”

“They were searching for you, in the east end of London. They were asking questions got the wrong persons attention and were executed.”

She stares at him as tears started running down her eyes. No one moves to comfort her. 

“My fault! They are dead because of me!”

“I used to believe that. Left here and moved to the states. Lived a hermit's life until Claire pulled me out of it. For five years. But, I don’t believe it anymore. I now know that the only ones to blame are her killers. You are battling an illness Janet, as well as your own demons. I don't blame you. None of us do.”

“I am sorry Jenny. We tried to find you.” Ian adds.

“I was living everywhere. Well, not living, barely existing. Just moving from place to place searching for the next high.”

“What made you get clean?” Ian asks.

“I almost died. Overdosed. I felt myself going. Was seconds away. Woke up in ICU with a blunt doctor telling me I have to get clean or die. I have to decide which. He saw the C-section scar and asked me if I wish to stay here for my child. I broke down, told him I had four. Four that I hadn't seen in years. Begged for help. He got me in an in hospital detoxification program. After I got out of that, I lived in a half way house and program. After six months, I was allowed to come here.”

“You can't stay here. Not yet. We will need more time to trust you. But, if allowed by the program, you can stay in a croft here and get to know the bairns again, under my supervision. As long as you go to meetings, pass drug screens, and the like.” 

“Thank you Ian.”

“You are also invited to our wedding, tomorrow.” Jamie adds.

“You are to be married tomorrow?”

“Hand fast. We will be legally married in the States where we are living.”

“You aren’t living here?”

“No, we have a live there. Just came to visit. To get reacquainted with my nieces and nephews and Ian again. I was gone for quite awhile too.”

“I am sorry Jamie. I am so sorry for all the harm I have caused.”

“Would you like to see the children.” Ian asks.

“Oh aye! Please.”

“Let me go get them.” He stands and walks out.

“Congratulations on your wedding brother. I am glad you found your other half.”

“Thank you. I am so glad you are back. I have missed you.” He walks over to her and hugs her. She hugs back, tightly.

“Mam?” She looks at her children. Wee Jamie stands in front of the others.

“My son.” She walks over slowly towards him. “You have gotten so big.”

“Aye. Maggie, Kitty, and Michael, say hello to our mam.” Maggie steps out from behind him followed slowly by the twins. 

“My babies! Oh my babies!” They all stands before her but none move closer. They don't know her. The twins only being 18 months and Maggie, three, when they last saw her.

“Mam, da said you were sick. Are you better now?”   
Maggie asks.

“I am, my love. I am getting better.”

“Good. Will you be staying?”

“Your mam will be here, in a croft, so she can get to know you again.”

“Good. Mam, you want to see my room. Da just repainted it. All of ours.”

She looks to Ian. He nods. 

“Yes children. Let's go show your mam what we have done.” He leads them up.

“Oh God Claire! She is alive! My sister is alive and getting healthy.” 

“It is a wonderful miracle.”

“Aye, my family is being restored.”


	38. Jenny and Claire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ladies have a talk.

“Can I talk with you?” Claire looks up. She has been sitting alone in the dining room, sipping a cup of tea. Jamie is with Ian, tucking the children in.

“Of course. I thought you would be with the children.” Jenny takes a seat beside her.

“Neither they or I am ready for that. I messed up bad Claire. I have missed Kitty and Michael becoming children, Maggie and Jamie have also grown so much I hardly recognize them.”

“I am sorry. You can’t get back the lost time but can go from this point and make a healthy future.”

“I ken, it is just.. Thank you Claire. For that and for Jamie. From what he has said, he would be unrecognizable also.”

“He was.” She pulls out her phone where she has one picture of Hunter. She shows it to Jenny.

“Oh God! It isn’t just the hair and beard. It is his eyes. He is so distant. So angry.”

“Yes. It took some time to get through to him. That and counseling.”

“How did you break through?”

“I loved him. Before he could love himself, forgive himself, I showed him that I could do both.”

“Thank you. Claire I ken I am probably the last person you would think has the right to question you. But, he is still my brother and you are marrying him.”

“Jenny, ask me whatever you need to. You are family. You have every right to.”

Jenny lets a breath out and grins at her. “What do you do for a living?”

“I am a Licensed Nurse Practitioner. A nurse that has extra training and can function as a doctor in lots of situations.”

“That is how you meet Jamie, then?”

“Yes, but I knew him as Hunter then.” She tells her all except the most intimate parts of the story. 

“Thank you for not given up on him.”

“I couldn’t do that. I loved him, you see. Way before it made sense to. “

“Jamie has that effect. Do you have any siblings?”

“No. My parents passed away when I was five. I was raised by my uncle.”

“I am so sorry Claire. Something you and Jamie have in common.”

“And you and I.” Claire reaches out to touch her hand. “You will be my sister. I am always available to listen.” 

“Thank you Claire. Truly. I have trouble believing they are gone. And Willie. He was so smart, kind, and handsome. When I think of ne' seeing him again..”

“It will take time. I still..”

“You still miss them?”

“In a bittersweet way. I wish they could be here tomorrow. That my dad was walking me down the aisle.”

“Aye. My parents would have loved you and how good you are for Jamie. Willie would have had a crush on you.”

“Ah!”

“Come. There are photo albums in the living room.”

The men find them looking at pictures an hour later.


	39. Hand Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family gathers to see them wed.

She wakes the morning of the hand fast ceremony, wrapped up in Jamie's arms. They had talked about sleeping separately but, decided they would both sleep better, together.

“Good morning Mrs. Fraser.” He greets her.

“Good morning. Yes. Very soon I will be.”

“Thank God.” He nuzzles her neck. “We have made it.”

“We did. Come we need to get ready.”

“We've time.” He tries to pull her gown of her shoulder.

“Tonight. Wedding night.”

“Oh aye.” He lets her up and follows her. She pulls her robe on, saving dressing for later. They join the family for breakfast. 

The children are full of excitement. Their mam home, a wedding, it was all to much.

“Can I help ye do yer hair, Aunt Claire?” Maggie asks. 

“I get to hand da the dirk for the blood oath mam.” Wee Jamie says.

“Yah, and the twins are holding the rings. Uncle Jamie made sure we were all involved.”

“Mam, what will ye do?” Wee Jamie asks her.

“I will see my brother get married and my wonderful bairns be a part of it. It is more then I could ever hope for.” Jenny answers him.

“Come guys. Chores before the wedding.” Ian announces. Groans accompany this but they all get up. Once they have all left the room, Ian turns to his wife. “Special day and all but I still need you to,” He hands her a cup. “Drug test.” 

She smiles and nods. “I get it. “ She walks off to the loo. 

“Sorry guys. I know it is your special day and all but..”

“You must make sure she is clean to be around the bairns. We get it.” Jamie assures him. She returns a moment later and Ian dips the strip into the urine. It test for the most common drugs. A few minutes later, they all breath a sigh of relief. All negative.

“Thank you Jenny for being willing to do that.”

“Thank you Ian for giving me a chance to prove myself.”

“You have the prettiest hair, Aunt Claire.” It is a few hours later and Maggie sits and brushes it out.

“Thank you Maggie. I like yours too.”

“Cause it is like Uncle Jamie’s.” she wisely declares.

“A smart one this one.” Jenny says. She, with Kitty on her lap, watches as Claire does her make-up and Maggie her hair. It is being left down, as Jamie likes it so brushing it out, is all that is needed. The men are one floor down, getting ready themselves.

Kitty and Maggie wear their best Sunday dresses. Jenny has borrowed one of Claire’s. She has lost to much weight for any of hers to fit. Even Claire’s had to be tightly belted.

“She is. So, Maggie do you want to be a hair dresser?”

“No auntie. I am going to be a vet. I want to look after animals.”

“A noble goal.” She looks to Jenny and sees her fighting back tears. She gives her a smile before lowering her head to kiss Kitty's head. “Miss Kitty, what do want to be?”

“A princess!”

“Well, Prince William will be of age when she is.” Both woman laugh together.

“God Ian, am I good enough for her?” Jamie frets as he makes last minute adjustments to his own wedding clothes. A kilt, with a cotton, as they can't find a linen one, white shirt over it. A tartan crossed over it. The belt held up the kilt and held the ceremonial sword and dirk. Wee Jamie, Michael, and Ian, all wear suits.

“Jamie lad, she loves you fiercely. She knew you when none of us would recognize you and she still saw the good man inside and loved you. You are perfect for her and she for you.”

“Right. Thank you Ian. I am just a bit nervous.”

“Totally expected and understandable. Look, this just makes official what you two already are. You can do this.”

“Yes, yes we can.”

She follows the children to him. No arm to steady her, to keep her from running, only her knowledge of the solemnness of the occasion. She walks slowly, keeping her eyes on him, Jamie, her Highland warrior.  
She is a vision. In an off white dress that flows to the floor. Loose, it moves with the same ease as it's wearer. Like a cloud around her. He reminds himself to breath. She reaches out her hands as soon as she gets close enough. He captures them in his strong grip and pulls her closer. 

Ian steps up with wee Jamie. The lad pulls the dirk from his uncle's side and carefully hands it to his da. Ian runs it shallowly over Claire and Jamie's wrist. He presses them together and Maggie hands him the binding cord.

“You are blood of my blood and bone of my bone. I give you my body that us two may be one. I give you my spirit until our live be done.” 

They repeat the vows to each other in Gaelic and then English. Ian unties them and slaps bandages on their wrists. The twins hand each of them a ring and they slip them on each other’s left hands.

“By the power granted to me by being Scottish, I pronounce Jamie and Claire Fraser hand fast.” Ian says. “Kiss her lad.” To the cheers and whoops of his family, their family, he does.


	40. Epilogue Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family is created and grows.

In the end it was an easy decision. They decided to stay. With the help of Gillian and Joe, who packed up and shipped their things from the cabin and arranged to sell it, it was also easily done. Lallybroch is big enough for them to have the privacy needed as newlyweds while still keeping close to help Ian and support Jenny.

They marry legally a few months after deciding to stay. It is a simple ceremony at the register's office. They know their real ceremony was the blood oath taken in front of their family.

Jenny works incredibly hard. She attends meetings everyday until she makes one year clean. Her family throws her a party and Ian let's her move back into the house but not yet in his room. She continues with meetings, going every other day as she spends time with her children. 

Claire announces she is pregnant six months into their marriage. It is an easy pregnancy and Faith Julia Ellen Fraser is born 15 months after her parent's marriage. She has her daddy's features but her mam's personality as they soon find out as she grows older and her stubborn personality. Jamie is so proud if frustrated, with his brawl lass. 

When Jenny earns her two year chip, they celebrate with a bigger party and Ian invites her back into his room and bed. Two months later, she is pregnant. Claire is again also. 

“We are going to feel this house with bairns.” Jamie said with satisfaction.

Ian Brian Murray is born a month before his cousin, Henry James Fraser. Jenny is content with her family and Ian willingly gets snipped. Jamie asks Claire for one more.

This is why she finds herself walking the floors of Lallybroch, in full labor, four years after her marriage.  
“Last bloody one, Jamie!” she growls. 

“Absolutely, mo ghaol.”

“My love, my arse. I am serious!”

“I know. I will schedule the operation as soon as he is born.” He promises. She nods and just groans as another contraction runs through her.

Hunter Lambert Fraser is born ten hours later. Their family is complete.

The end.


End file.
